Seahawks-Bengals NFL weekend

Well where to start. My friend Greg had 2 tickets to see the Cincinnati Bengals-Seattle Seahawks game this last weekend in Seattle. He told me about this a while ago and then I hummed and hawed and hummed again until finally I decided to go. Or rather, my lovely wife gave me permission. She's a peach. This is how it unfolded...chronologically...just because I wanted to write the word chronologically. Ergo:

5:30 am- The alarm clock wakes me at my aunts place in Wetaskiwin. I curse my birth and pull myself out of bed. She is up and gives me a bag of food and drinks on my way out the door. That lady never ceases to amaze me. She is good people.

6:30am- I am at the Edmonton International Airport parking my car under a giant number 3 so that I remember where it is when I get back. The car looks shiny under the 3. No way I can forget where I parked. (Umm...two nights later I find myself wondering where the car is as I scour around under a giant number 2. Yep. Single digit numbers here people.) Greg picks me up and we are on our way.

10:00am- We hit BC and sight a black bear lumbering along a river off the roadside. I get a pic. Only animal we see the whole way. Sadly I will run over more animals on the 2 hour drive home from the airport on the way back...one porcupine and what appeared to be the remains of siamese twin skunks. Attached at the belly button. No lie.

10:00am-2pm: We wind our way through the middle of BC which is the direct opposite of the landscape of Saskatchewan. The only thing they have in common is that I would watch a senior citizens kissing contest than driving through either.

2pm: Kamloops. Each year I keep saying I am not going to go west for a holiday and somehow each year I see the city of Kamloops. It fails to thrill me every time. If I ever feel the need to live on the side of a burnt hill or in a valley surrounded by burnt hills that very well could be the surface of Neptune, I will move here. Until then...I will not.

3pm: Merritt, BC. Someone needs to tell Keith Urban that his face is on the welcome to Merritt sign. That has to be a copyright infringement. And there was also a picture of Reba McEntire in which she looked about 10 years younger and 20 years better looking. She looked good. And in real life she kinda has a face like an airport windsock. That has to be an enfringement of some kind as well. Maybe of my emotions.

Also, we get gas and I walk in and there is some dude...no wait its a girl...with facial hair? is that what that is?...nope its a dude working the counter. Friendly fella but some real gender role issues at work here. Name tag says "Jimbx". Huh? Was it supposed to be Jimbo? I go back to the car with my Nibs and Greg comes back with the same puzzled look in his face. We were gonna prick his finger for DNA but dangit we had a schedule to keep. I'm sure I got some of his airborne epithelials on me somehow so maybe I need to make some time to find them and check'em out.

5pm: The US border at Sumas, Washington. Light flow...this should be easy. Wrong. We get to the border guard and he asks us our business and when we were last in the US. I say 3 years ago! (why i said this i have no clue). Then I correct it and say I was through this summer on the way to New Zealand. He looks unimpressed and we spend the next 20 minutes pulled over while some dude checks out our papers and we make snide comments about the inside of the customs office. We are cleared and as we are led out a little old lady is pulled off a tour bus and ushered inside. Definitely fits the Al Qaeda profile. God bless the USA and there anal retentive nature. We are in.

**Two miles past the border I realize that we had gone to Spokane last summer as well. Thats right...I am dumb**

6pm: We are at the mall in Bellingham, WA buying stuff with our good Canadian dollar and listening to non-educated US folk talk to their children in accents that remind one of a multiple concussion recipient. I look at the kid and instantly name him Jeb in my mind. Good luck in life little fella.

9pm: Done shopping and we thanks to a cancellation we get a nice Best Western hotel room almost by accident. Everything is full down the coast. Even the little motel across the street with the flickering lights and crime ridden come-hither look is full. How? I would rather sleep in a shopping cart. Being spooned by a hobo. On both sides. The KFC experience down the street is a gong show as well...I think they were making my Big Crunch in a black hole using the CanadaArm.

Oh ya the next day we went to a football game. If you want to see pics check out my Facebook page or call my secretary and I will email them to you. It was an awesome experience. Greg, I and 70000 of our new friends. Well maybe not all of them. There was a guy who wore a suit with Seahawk logos all over it. Pants, shirt, jacket, and cap. Very nice. There was "Moose"...the guy who brought his kid to the game and ditched him with some buddies 5 rows up and then went to sit with his buddies and drank too much and who we are sure will cause "Little Moose" a lifetime of resentment. Or the guy who asked the crowd in front of him who asked politely if the people standing in front of him could sit down so he could see. They said no. And then after the Bengals took a false start penalty because of too much noise, one guy yelled up at him "that's why we don't sit down!!!". Word. When the 'Hawks are on D everyone stands. Everyone. Or you don't get to see...thats the formula, deal with it. Finally, in our section there were 2 guys who bet on the game. The wager...one guys Bengals hat for the others Seahawks jersey. When the game was out of reach the Bengals cap was turned over and the winner did the sportsmanlike thing...and tried to set it on fire. I mean he really tried, but the thing would not burn. So if I learned one thing this weekend its to wear a Bengals cap on all plane flights because if the plane crashes and burns at least they will find my head. And thats important to me.

All in all it was awesome. Thanks to the people who made it possible. I got back at 4am and taught that very morning in a comatose stupor but it was worth it. I vaguely remember a grade 7 kid asking me not to drool on his collage. But i would do it again in a heartbeat. And isn't it ironic that as I rolled home from my first NFL experience under a big Alberta moon...I had a big smile on my face, some tunes in the player and dead animals on my tires. Michael Vick would have approved.

Oh that Canadian soccer

Last night I was looking for something to kill some time when I realized that there was a Canada-Costa Rica international friendly on the tube. Now I have been a Canada mens soccer fan for many years now (no really...stop laughing) so this appealed to me as a good way to spend 2 hours. It was a good game ending 1-1 although it probably should have been 4-1 Canada. As all Central Americans do, the Costa Ricans spent most of the game rolling all over the ground, complaining and wasting time. I really wish Canada could be considered part of a region other than CONCACAF so we don't have to play all these muppets in order to qualify for the World Cup. Speaking of muppets...I am pretty sure if Bert and Ernie put in a resume to CONCACAF they would be shoo-ins to ref the World Cup qualifiers. Only in CONCACAF. Maybe the motto should be "CONCACAF: Where Jim Henson's creations find their worth".

Costa Rica's loser of the night was a striker named Nunez who must have spent 15 minutes lying on the ground for a variety of bogus injuries. Lets just say if he was a horse and the farmer had a shotgun...Except I have never seen a horse go deathly lame and then when the farmer shows up with the gun, he hops up and sprints to the sideline and then yells at the farmer from the edge of the corral to come back in and join the other horses. Sick, sick, sick. I was kind of hoping that Adrian Serioux or Iain Hume would lose their marbles (both are capable) and kung fu kick Nunez right out of BMO field. And then maybe escort Costa Rican coach Medford out for breaking the rules against coaches trying to impersonate characters from "Grease". I would be that angry too if I had to wear that jacket.

Here is the good news though. Canada is getting better!! Players such as DeRosario, Hutchinson, and de Guzman are of the quality we usually never put on the field. Gerba, Hume, Stalteri, and Bernier seem solid as well. It was also nice to see Lars Hirschfeld back in the nets. It would be nicer to see Craig Forrest back in there (I bet he could still play) but some youth in goal is nice. We have a chance to be in the 1010 World Cup in South Africa. Some new skill, some luck and maybe a couple of referees who aren't the guy from last night or the one who screwed us against the USA in this years Gold Cup in Chicago. Maybe even if we get one of the smarter Muppets (say...Kermit) as a ref we might be okay. Here's hoping!

Casey at the bat

Being a Hamilton Ti-Cats fan is usually something to be ashamed of. This year is no different. It sucks when your team is usually theoretically, if not mathematically, out of playoff contention each year before the calender even hits September. I have watched enough of their garbage efforts this year to know that there was no light at the end of the tunnel in the near future.

Why? The quarterbacks suck. Jason Maas has had 2 years to prove himself worthy of being a starter here. What he has proven is that he may be to quarterbacking as Paris Hilton is to singing or acting or not being a whore-ing. Maybe Timmy Chang, the stud QB out of Hawaii, was going to be the answer if given some time. No. Through two starts he just chucked interceptions time after time, and nearly got Brock Ralph guillotined today against the Argos.

But in the last few days we have a reason to hope. Former CFL MVP Casey Printers has signed on to QB the Ti-Cats after being let go by the Kansas City Chiefs in the NFL. I believe he will help. I believe that because I have to. Actually, I think had Printers played today against the Argos...we would have won. Coach Taaffe said he couldn't play Printers yet because he did not know the offense. Ummm...I've been watching this year coach and NOBODY KNOWS THE OFFENSE!! You could toss a cyclops squirrel wearing a skirt in at QB and he/she could do no worse. To give up on the season with half the dang games left is retarded. Play Printers...PERIOD! If I don't see him in there next week, its going to take an army of cyclops squirrels in full armour to protect Coach Taaffe from me. With Printers in the lineup I bet we go 5-2 to end the year. Mark that down.

So far my best Ti-Cat highlight of the year was when I spent July in New Zealand and did not have access to watch their first 3 games. Aaaahh...i miss those days. Play Printers...and maybe next year there is hope in Ti-Cat land.

College football sidenote: Michigan football sucks. I don't know how or why but it does. They might give out 11 Heisman Trophies this year...one for each of the QB's who plays against Michigan. Oh and Michigan QB Chad Henne's Heisman chances are as dead as my emotions after an episode of The View. Flatlined.