Seahawks-Bengals NFL weekend

Well where to start. My friend Greg had 2 tickets to see the Cincinnati Bengals-Seattle Seahawks game this last weekend in Seattle. He told me about this a while ago and then I hummed and hawed and hummed again until finally I decided to go. Or rather, my lovely wife gave me permission. She's a peach. This is how it unfolded...chronologically...just because I wanted to write the word chronologically. Ergo:

5:30 am- The alarm clock wakes me at my aunts place in Wetaskiwin. I curse my birth and pull myself out of bed. She is up and gives me a bag of food and drinks on my way out the door. That lady never ceases to amaze me. She is good people.

6:30am- I am at the Edmonton International Airport parking my car under a giant number 3 so that I remember where it is when I get back. The car looks shiny under the 3. No way I can forget where I parked. (Umm...two nights later I find myself wondering where the car is as I scour around under a giant number 2. Yep. Single digit numbers here people.) Greg picks me up and we are on our way.

10:00am- We hit BC and sight a black bear lumbering along a river off the roadside. I get a pic. Only animal we see the whole way. Sadly I will run over more animals on the 2 hour drive home from the airport on the way back...one porcupine and what appeared to be the remains of siamese twin skunks. Attached at the belly button. No lie.

10:00am-2pm: We wind our way through the middle of BC which is the direct opposite of the landscape of Saskatchewan. The only thing they have in common is that I would watch a senior citizens kissing contest than driving through either.

2pm: Kamloops. Each year I keep saying I am not going to go west for a holiday and somehow each year I see the city of Kamloops. It fails to thrill me every time. If I ever feel the need to live on the side of a burnt hill or in a valley surrounded by burnt hills that very well could be the surface of Neptune, I will move here. Until then...I will not.

3pm: Merritt, BC. Someone needs to tell Keith Urban that his face is on the welcome to Merritt sign. That has to be a copyright infringement. And there was also a picture of Reba McEntire in which she looked about 10 years younger and 20 years better looking. She looked good. And in real life she kinda has a face like an airport windsock. That has to be an enfringement of some kind as well. Maybe of my emotions.

Also, we get gas and I walk in and there is some dude...no wait its a girl...with facial hair? is that what that is?...nope its a dude working the counter. Friendly fella but some real gender role issues at work here. Name tag says "Jimbx". Huh? Was it supposed to be Jimbo? I go back to the car with my Nibs and Greg comes back with the same puzzled look in his face. We were gonna prick his finger for DNA but dangit we had a schedule to keep. I'm sure I got some of his airborne epithelials on me somehow so maybe I need to make some time to find them and check'em out.

5pm: The US border at Sumas, Washington. Light flow...this should be easy. Wrong. We get to the border guard and he asks us our business and when we were last in the US. I say 3 years ago! (why i said this i have no clue). Then I correct it and say I was through this summer on the way to New Zealand. He looks unimpressed and we spend the next 20 minutes pulled over while some dude checks out our papers and we make snide comments about the inside of the customs office. We are cleared and as we are led out a little old lady is pulled off a tour bus and ushered inside. Definitely fits the Al Qaeda profile. God bless the USA and there anal retentive nature. We are in.

**Two miles past the border I realize that we had gone to Spokane last summer as well. Thats right...I am dumb**

6pm: We are at the mall in Bellingham, WA buying stuff with our good Canadian dollar and listening to non-educated US folk talk to their children in accents that remind one of a multiple concussion recipient. I look at the kid and instantly name him Jeb in my mind. Good luck in life little fella.

9pm: Done shopping and we thanks to a cancellation we get a nice Best Western hotel room almost by accident. Everything is full down the coast. Even the little motel across the street with the flickering lights and crime ridden come-hither look is full. How? I would rather sleep in a shopping cart. Being spooned by a hobo. On both sides. The KFC experience down the street is a gong show as well...I think they were making my Big Crunch in a black hole using the CanadaArm.

Oh ya the next day we went to a football game. If you want to see pics check out my Facebook page or call my secretary and I will email them to you. It was an awesome experience. Greg, I and 70000 of our new friends. Well maybe not all of them. There was a guy who wore a suit with Seahawk logos all over it. Pants, shirt, jacket, and cap. Very nice. There was "Moose"...the guy who brought his kid to the game and ditched him with some buddies 5 rows up and then went to sit with his buddies and drank too much and who we are sure will cause "Little Moose" a lifetime of resentment. Or the guy who asked the crowd in front of him who asked politely if the people standing in front of him could sit down so he could see. They said no. And then after the Bengals took a false start penalty because of too much noise, one guy yelled up at him "that's why we don't sit down!!!". Word. When the 'Hawks are on D everyone stands. Everyone. Or you don't get to see...thats the formula, deal with it. Finally, in our section there were 2 guys who bet on the game. The wager...one guys Bengals hat for the others Seahawks jersey. When the game was out of reach the Bengals cap was turned over and the winner did the sportsmanlike thing...and tried to set it on fire. I mean he really tried, but the thing would not burn. So if I learned one thing this weekend its to wear a Bengals cap on all plane flights because if the plane crashes and burns at least they will find my head. And thats important to me.

All in all it was awesome. Thanks to the people who made it possible. I got back at 4am and taught that very morning in a comatose stupor but it was worth it. I vaguely remember a grade 7 kid asking me not to drool on his collage. But i would do it again in a heartbeat. And isn't it ironic that as I rolled home from my first NFL experience under a big Alberta moon...I had a big smile on my face, some tunes in the player and dead animals on my tires. Michael Vick would have approved.