San Francisco and Oakland: Are not the same!

Around this time last year, an opportunity presented itself to join a friend of mine on an NFL pilgrimage to Seattle. We went and watched the Seahawks/Bengals game and thoroughly enjoyed our weekend. At that time, we discussed making an annual jaunt down to the U.S. for an NFL weekend. The NFL schedules came out just before summer this year and after some research we decided that this year's trip would see us go south to San Francisco and Oakland. Here is a recap of this year's excellent trip:

Friday, September 5

Three of us went this year. Greg, Mark and I. It could have been easily more but others had commitments, excuses and one had become suspiciously larger over the past 8 months (thereby cancelling out her invitation). Our flight for San Francisco left around 1pm in the afternoon on United Airlines. When it comes to modern trappings, I think United might rival the luxury of Somali Airlines. Don't get me wrong, the flight was very smooth and had no problems. However, there was not one tv on the entire plane, no plug-in for radio, one puny washroom and everyone got 3 cubic inches in the overhead for their luggage. At least there were no Somali pirates. You know its not the most entertaining flight when our greatest thrill came in perusing the airport maps section of United magazine and deciding that Chicago O'Hare was built in the shape of a pelvis. Don't ask me about what the green coloured international terminal represents. I simply do not know.

Chicago O'Hare --->

The San Francisco airport is user friendly. It is not hard to figure out where you are and where you need to go. We easily found the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) station and took off for downtown. It seemed that every stop that took us closer to downtown featured a different ethnic group gathered on the subway platform. It was like a mini United Nations tour carried out in the cozy confines of the San Francisco subway system. Really...it was kind of neat.

BART spit us out a couple of blocks from our hotel which was ideal. Weather was nice and downtown San Francisco was much more inviting than I had expected. As we walked, part of me could see a resemblance between San Fran and Auckland, New Zealand where we had toured last summer. Good stuff. We ditched our stuff at the hotel and then carried on east for about 10 minutes to AT&T Park, home of the San Francisco Giants.

Our only glitch of the evening was that Mark was almost killed minutes into the trip. He forgot that he was not in India where you can meander the streets willy-nilly. He was nearly killed in a turning lane. It would have been sad, but he was kind of asking for it.

(Sidenote: Later as the others slept at the hotel, I snuck back to the intersection and made a little inukshuk out of wonton noodles as a reminder to other Chinese-Canadians to pay attention here. Seriously I did this. It was gone the next day when we went past there again though. Pretty sure one of the homeless guys ate it.)

Happily we all did make it down to the stadium in one piece. They got it right when they built this park. For one, the area is nice. If you live in Edmonton this is a novelty in itself. I am not saying that the areas around Rexall and Commonwealth are a dump, but I am strongly implying it. And if you were here, then I would say it to you. Maybe whisper it to you. AT&T Park is the opposite of everything Edmonton sports venue. Palm trees, ocean background, upscale neighborhood. Very nice.

When you walk around the inside or outside of the park, you realize they did this right. Did you know there is a slide in the giant Coke bottle that you can slide down? Did you know they fire off water fountains after a home run? Did you know that those fountains will leak on your head (for free!) when you stand out by McCovey Cove? Did you know that on the night we were there, a Singles Night was in full swing? Well, more full swing for some than others. One girl was loving it...still very much alone...but loving it. Lets just say I was disappointed in my single friends for their lacklustre efforts on this front. To use a baseball analogy: there were runners left on the basepaths. Disappointing.

Anyways, good seats for this game as shown below:

Other highlights included:

1) The ballpark nachos were sufficient.

2) The biggest ballpark wedgie in the storied history of ballpark wedgies.

3) A masterful Zach Duke pitching performance. Yep, we will be able to tell our grandchildren about watching the greatest game in the MLB career of Zach Duke. Now if I could just get tickets for the night Kwame Brown goes off for 8 pts and 4 boards. Sports history...WE WERE THERE!

4) Watching Ryan Doumit, my fantasy baseball catcher, go off on a 4-5 night when I knew he wasn't in my starting lineup.

5) And an old lady/man (it was dark over there) was nearly killed by a foul ball. Nearly killed, not killed. Because I am not heartless enough to enjoy watching an old person be killed, but it was kind of entertaining to watch her/him at least glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel.

All in all, a pretty darn good first day.

Saturday, September 6

This was our day to tour around San Francisco a little bit. We started our day by trekking to Powell Street to hop on the cable cars to travel up to Fisherman's Wharf. A couple of thumbs up and thumbs down to hand out here:

Thumbs Up 1- The cable car experience is pretty cool. They are nice to look at and the people running them seem to have some enthusiasm to be running them. Tickets were easy to scoop up and were not that expensive. The cable car starting point is in a good location.

Thumbs Up 2- There was a casting call for America's Next Top Model going on directly behind us as we waited in line for the cable cars. I could have cared less but I think one friend (wearing Beverly Hills 90210 free plastic sunglasses) toured up and down the block to do a little advance scouting. His excuse was that he had to get out of the sun, but we all know better. Some pretty high maintenance looking ladies and some really questionable attendees. Not to be mean, but really? Really?

Thumbs Down 1- Don't get me wrong, I like crazy street evangelists as much as the next guy but wow. There appeared to be two approaches to street evangelism going on here. One guy stood quietly and held a sign that simply said "Jesus Loves You". He didn't say a word the whole time we were there. Didn't need to. The sign said it all. No need for any other promotion, the sign was written on that horrid fluorescent green colour that works as a flamethrower on your retinas anyway. Approach 2 involved the sweatiest, angriest little Samoan guy I have ever seen. He yelled at everyone in the crowd while holding a bible in his hand. And I mean yelled. And he did not stop. When the cable car finally came after a half hour wait, we hopped on, headed up the hill, and he was still yelling. Made me want to go back and give the green sign evangelist guy a hug.

Thumbs Down 2- We had to wait a long time, in the hot sun, to get on that cable car. And some old Italian guy budded his way past the whole line and snuck on to the first available cable car after he had been there about 3 minutes. I hope global warming decides to let the oceans gobble up Italy first. Let the polar bears live and put your focus on Italy. A polar bear would have waited his turn in line with the rest of us.

We saw the crooked part of Lombard Street, Fisherman's Wharf, the Golden Gate Bridge and Pier 39 on our trek to the north end of San Francisco. Really nice. Then a huge NFL shop at Pier 39 which was cool and featured Raiders cheerleaders signing calendars for creepy guys. Decided to walk back to downtown past Coit Tower and through Chinatown. About an hour walk, but really worth it for the experience. A little shopping at the trendy Union Square shops and we were done for the day.

We got back to the hotel around 5pm and decided to go to another Giants game for the evening. Just showed up and asked for the cheapest seats ($25) and settled into the upper deck on a real nice evening to watch baseball. Much better game this night. We actually saw a competitive 7-6 game with some homers, some defense and the near death experience of a BallDude down the first base line, who landed on his face chasing down a foul ball. The BallDude's are old guys who work as ballboys at the San Fran stadium. They are kind of a novelty here. But after almost watching an old person nearly meet their maker at last night's game, I was starting to wonder about this place. On the way out of the stadium, I kept looking for the sign that read "AT&T Park: Where Young People Come to Watch Old People Die". If they do put that sign up, I better see a royalty cheque.

Back at the hotel we enjoyed the pool and hot tub. And we met some interesting people who invited us out for the evening. The good married guy (ME!) stayed back at the hotel while the youngsters went to check things out. If you know Mark or Greg...ask them how things turned out. Your guess: Boom or Bust?

Sunday, September 7

Time for the 49ers-Cardinals game on this day. We watched the first half of the morning NFL games at our hotel and then caught a cab to the game. Cost us only $20 from downtown which was clearly the best way to go. The area around Candlestick Park could be nice. Isn't...but could be. The Pacific Ocean is only a couple hundred yards from the front of the stadium, but there is so much garbage and junk you barely even notice it. A lot of tailgating going on which was pretty cool. You do not see that at a CFL game...and if you are going to argue with me that you and a truckbox full of rats party hard before Riders games...then you really need to get out more. Get out of Saskatchewan that is.

Wow, it was hot sitting in the sun at the game. The wind swirled around the stadium making it feel a little cooler but it must have been 28celsius in my chair. (Sidenote: Later, I would get back to the hotel and find out that the UV index was "very high" the day. This would have been interesting info, had I not burned all of the exposed skin right off of my body already. I was this colour: COLOUR I WAS. I kid you not. Ask those who were there. I still have burn remnants on my body three weeks later!) The crowd was pretty subdued for an NFL game. The 49ers lost to the Cardinals by a score of 23-13. There were some pretty good hits in the game and my buddy Larry Fitzgerald caught a TD pass. A good experience. And Mark got us $3 express bus tickets back downtown so we won in pretty much every facet of life on this day. Other than the smell of my burning flesh.

Monday, September 8

Disclaimer: We went to Oakland. It was intense. This is my first person account of the attrocities of the day. You think I am kidding...

We watched the start of the MNF game between Green Bay and Minnesota before heading off to Oakland for our own MNF experience. Vikes looked good and I thought it might turn out okay. I would find out that it did not turn out okay when I watched it over the shoulder of two popcorn vendors on the Oakland Coliseum concourse. We took the BART to Oakland to watch the game. Again, a cheap trip. I have to give a lot of credit for the cheap and efficient transit service in the Bay Area...it really was the way to go. When you go to Oakland, the BART travels in a dark concrete tube under the San Francisco Bay. When you emerge on the other side, you are not in Kansas anymore. Figuratively, not literally...because both of these cities are in California and you knew that already. Oakland does not look like San Francisco. That is my observation. Not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely noticeable. We all looked at each other on the BART car like we knew that we were now somewhere else.

The outside of the McAfee Coliseum in Oakland is not exactly breathtaking. Kind of fits in with the industrial feel of the area. You get to go through a chain-in walkway to get from the BART station to the stadium. The whole thing feels kind of gritty. Like eating a dirt sandwich. Followed by drinking a rock smoothie. The Oracle Arena (where the Golden State Warriors play) is just around the corner and is much nicer to look at than the Raiders stadium. Once you get inside to your seats, its a nice place to watch a ball game but the outside could use a little Communities in Bloom tlc.

Our seats were at the bottom of the second deck. A good view of everything. The game started and the crowd was in a festive mood. It did not last long. The Broncos quickly took control of the game and by the time it was over, the final score read Broncos 41 Raiders 14. Ouch.

Read this for the news report on the game:

http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_10421066?source=most_emailed

This is what we saw:
1) Anyone wearing a Broncos jersey, shirt, hat, undergarment was in trouble. Last year in Seattle, Greg wore his Bengals jersey. He was mocked a little, but all in good fun. Very little of this was in good fun. The Broncos fans had stuff thrown at them and heard every swear word you could possibly think of (and a couple that I think Raiders fans have made up themselves). No way I would have worn Broncos orange.
2) If you read the article above, it talks about Section 324. We were in 322 and saw the huge brawl that broke out right next to us. People flying over seats and down the concrete stairs throwing punches the whole way. Must have been 15 cops in our area. At least 5 guys were taken out in handcuffs and one guy left on a stretcher with what looked like a broken leg. Yikes. Let's see that at an Eskimos game.
3) The language was NC-17 all night. No exceptions. I particularly liked the story from the behind me bragging about his 5 year old daughter who he had taught to rhyme. Guess how proud he was of what she rhymed with "truck"...
4) Another fight broke out in the lower bowl in front of us as the game was ending. By this point, it was hardly even entertaining anymore.

After the game, we had to crowd into the BART with angry Raiders fans for a ride back to San Francisco. Here I had a great encounter with the locals. This is how it went down:

Me (sitting on the aisle seat, minding my own business)

Gang girl (sits on my armrest): Do you mind if I sit here? I am tired of standing...

Me: No problem.

Gang guy (gang girl's boyfriend...makes a goofy face)

Gang guy (to his girlfriend): Do you still have my weed?

Gang girl: Yeah, it's in my pocket.

Me (thinking sarcactically, not talking): Great. This is nice.

Gang girl (to her bf and looking at me): I have been eyeing this guy up since we got on the train.

Me (thinking): So...I'm dead.

Gang Guy (laughs and goofy grin again)

Gang Girl (to me): Do I smell like paraphernalia?

Me: Uhhhh, yes.

Gang Girl: What do I smell like?

Me: Uhhh...weed.

Gang Girl: Is it bad? Is it really bad?

Me (sarcastically): Uhhh...yep. A little bit.

Gang Girl and Guy: Laugh! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

And then, in one of the most awkward and surreal moments in my life, the guy puts up his hand and wants me to high five him! I look at Mark, I look at Greg...and I give the guy the most hesitant high five ever given on this planet. Ever. Out of fear, not out of agreement. Because I certainly did not agree with him on the awesomeness of illegal drugs. Wow. Apparently fear is a great motivator.

We got back to San Francisco, gave our heads a good shake and went to bed shivering. And it wasn't cold. It wasn't cold.

Tuesday, September 9

We had time to do some last minute shopping and we walked down to the Civic Center BART station for the ride back to the airport. Interesting crowd around the Civic Center. A little different than the uptown crowd. But not unnecessarily scary. Back to the airport, on another United flight and back in Edmonton before dinner. It's always good to be back in Canada. It always feels right. I am looking forward to the options for next year (Denver? Baltimore? etc.) and am pretty pleased we chose the Bay Area of California for this year's adventure. It was a great time. I learned many things. And the greatest of these might be that there is definitely more separating San Francisco and Oakland than a bay.

Go for broke...and succeed

Recently I decided to do a little social experiment. My plan was to use a sports betting website to do 5 days worth of hypothetical bets on baseball games. I thought maybe I could actually go down to the store and plop down the money each day, but my wife thought otherwise. So I did the experiment in the world of make-believe. Interestingly enough when I was going down to the make-believe store in make-believe world to put in my make-believe bet, I saw Michael Jackson at that store buying candy. And unlike me he wasn't just visiting this world.

Here is how the plan broke down. For 5 days at the start of August I would use the website and its point spreads to make bets on baseball games. All bets were in the amount of $5, placed on 5 games with a possible payout of $75 per day (need to win all 5 games to collect). I wanted to see how much money I could possibly make over the course of those 5 days. This is what happened...

Monday, August 4 (my picks in bold)

Oakland at Toronto (-1.5) Smith vs. Halladay Win
Cleveland at Tampa Bay (-0.5) Lee vs. Garza Loss
Houston at Chicago Cubs (-1.5) Moehler vs. Dempster Loss
Washington at Colorado (-1.5) Redding vs. Cook Loss
Baltimore at LA Angels (-1.5) Sarfate vs. Saunders Win

Results: Not a great start to the week.

The good-

1) As expected, Halladay was brilliant at home and easily handled Oakland.
2)The Angels at home are usually a pretty safe bet, and with the Orioles spot starting a middle reliever I was right to take this one as a gimme pick as well.

The bad-

1) I don't know what has gotten into Cliff Lee this year but apparently you don't bet against him. Even in Tampa against the division leading Rays. Even against Garza who was coming off of a complete game 5 hitter. Good for Lee, but his outing signalled curtains for me on this night.
2) I hate Colorado. They can make Tim Redding look like Cy Young and Nolan Ryan rolled into one. Also, living a mile above sea level is just a fact...not something that you openly brag about.
3) The Cubs game featured multiple rain delays, a tornado warning, and a game called after 8 innings. I did not factor tornadoes into my reasoning. So I think I am off the hook on this one.

Tuesday, August 5

Houston at Chicago Cubs (-1.5) Rodriguez vs. Harden Win
Cleveland at Tampa Bay (-0.5) Carmona vs. Jackson Win
San Diego at NY Mets (-1.5) Young vs. Pelfrey Loss
Baltimore at LA Angels (-1.5) Waters vs.Garland Loss
Pittsburgh at Arizona (-1.5) Duke vs. Webb Win

Results: Two days. Two whiffs.

The good-

1) Rich Harden in a Cubs jersey has been pretty special so far. On this day he actually got hit and had to get bailed out by the offense late. But it did the trick.
2) Tampa hits 3 hrs in the 7th to seal the win. Where was that power last night?
3) Brandon Webb is going to win the NL Cy Young award so I thought he was going to do the trick at home. The offense didn't help much, but still a 3-1 win.

The badder-

1) The Mets win, but not by 2. This is the beauty of point spread. Even when your team pick wins, you still don't win. Its like when you pursue the girl of your dreams for 10 years and she finally consents to go out with you...and the dating goes well and you ask her to marry you...and she says yes...and you get married...and go on the honeymoon of your dreams...where you find out that she has a furry tail and a 2 foot high tattoo on her back of Mussolini. So in the grand scheme of things you won, but did you really?
2) The other loss of the night features the Angels losing at home to the Orioles, who bring up Chris Waters from triple A to pitch his first MLB game in LA. Against the AL best Angels. Oh and he wasn't even supposed to be the call-up. The guy they were going to bring up (Hayden Penn) sprained his knee spooning a hobo or something of that nature. Sick.

Wednesday, August 6

Milwaukee (-0.5) at Cincinnati Suppan vs. Bailey Win
Cleveland at Tampa Bay (-1.5) Sowers vs. Kazmir Win
Oakland at Toronto (-0.5) Gonzalez vs. Marcum Win
Baltimore at LA Angels (-1.5) Olson vs. Santana Win
Pittsburgh at Arizona (-1.5) Karstens vs. Johnson Loss

Results: Close, but shot by a sniper a few yards from the finish line.

The good-

1) Homer Bailey sucks. Touted as the next big pitching prospect in MLB, Bailey had an era over 6 coming into this game. The Brewers can hit. This was an easy pick.
2) Kazmir is the ace of the Rays. But he struggles and is chased. No big deal though as the Rays score 6 in the ninth inning to win 10-7. Sometimes you need to be lucky.
3) Thought right on Marcum handling the A's as well.
4) There are the Orioles I know and love again. 9-4 losers.

The $%@*&# disheartening-

1) Jeff Karstens comes over in a trade to the Pirates...and pitches a 2 hit shutout in Arizona opposing Randy Johnson. Johnson had not given up a run in 24 innings. Final score: 2-0. What? The fact that Karstens looks like a 13 year old boy doesn't help matters any. Ruined the night and my fictional $75 payout.

Thursday, August 7

NY Yankees at Texas (+1.5) Mussina vs. Feldman Loss
San Diego at NY Mets (-1.5) Banks vs. Santana Win
Oakland at Toronto (-0.5) Duchscherer vs. Burnett Win
Los Angeles at St Louis (-0.5) Kershaw vs. Lohse Loss
Tampa Bay at Seattle (-0.5) Sonnanstine vs. Hernandez Win

Results: Mixed bag of steaming garbage again.

The good-

1) Johan Santana at home against the Padres should always be worth a look. This one needed a David Wright walkoff to seal it though.
2) Come from behind win for the Jays as well.
3) And yes my third win of the night was also on a Raul Ibanez walk off in Seattle. Its all about the result, not how you get it.

The tiresome-

1) The mighty Rangers don't score a run and all of the sudden Mike Mussina is good again. A month ago this was harder to hit than Mike Mussina:

2) The Cardinals just sucked and got blown out and by this time I felt they deserved it.

Friday, August 8

Washington at Milwaukee (-1.5) Balester vs. Sabathia Win
Oakland at Detroit (-1.5) Braden vs. Rogers Loss
San Diego at Colorado (+0.5) Peavy vs. Rusch Win
Minnesota at Kansas City (+0.5) Slowey vs. Davies Loss
Tampa Bay at Seattle (+1.5) Shields vs. Silva Loss

Results: And the week comes to a miserable end.

The good-
1) Sabathia CG shutout again...and...aah who cares?

The bad-
1) More choking and gagging by pitchers, batters, catchers, managers, bat boys, parking lot attendants, cab drivers etc. A stream of crap leading to and fro the stadium.

So I played 5 days. I bet a total of $25. I won nothing.

NBA Draft 2008: Initial Reactions

Ridiculous that I have not gotten on here in almost 2 months. No excuse for it other than lots of June work and lots of July holidays. Thanks to the people who sent me a message telling me to quit being a lazy butt and get something written. I have a couple ideas brewing for Blog topics, so hopefully I can be a little more regular in my ponderings from here on out.

I watched the 2008 NBA Draft on June 26th. I wrote down my thoughts on the first 10 picks but did not transfer them into the blog. Since a month has passed you would think they might be a little outdated. Well I don't. So here are/were my thoughts on the class of '08...

Pick #1- Chicago Bulls select Derrick Rose (PG, Memphis)

This pick made sense. Rose was a hometown Chicago kid who wanted to play for the Bulls. The Bulls needed a point guard not named Heinrich or Duhon. Win/win. He can shoot a little, run a team efficiently and doesn't seem like an overly pompous arse.

The little trivia tidbit on Rose said that he had a tattoo that spelled out his nickname...that nickname being "Poohdini". What? I don't know what comes to my mind slower when thinking of a thug NBA player...Winnie the Pooh or Harry Houdini. Most NBA player's are not capable of reading intense books like "Winnie the Pooh" or the other works of literary wordsmith A.A. Milne. Most of those works fall at a solid grade 5 reading level. Or about 6 grade levels above the skills of your average NBA player. In other words, if it doesn't pop-up they just aren't going to get it. (On a side note, I'll bet you could put DeShawn Stevenson in front of a Baby Einstein DVD and entertain him for weeks)

And I get that the Houdini part comes from his magic skills with a basketball, but this still has to be one of the dumbest, weakest nicknames I have ever heard. Maybe it would work on a spectacle wearing hoopster from northern Maine, but a hardened baller from the means streets of Chicago? Horrible. The only thing I could think of that might have been worse, was that Rose could have went the same thematic route and slapped on a "David Crapperfield" tattoo.

One last note on this pick. While gushing about Rose, ESPN analyst Mark Jackson described him as the guy who will tell his teammates to get on his back so that he can carry them. That is what he meant to say. What he did say was...Rose is the type of player who says to his teammates "let me put you on your back". Yikes. No thanks Derrick, pretty sure thats not what I am looking for in a teammate.

Pick #2- Miami Heat select Michael Beasley (PF, Kansas State)

My first thought when Beasley walked up to the podium was that he was wearing the ugliest hat I had ever seen. How lazy were they designing that cap? Um...Miami starts with M so lets chuck that on there and um...Heat starts with H so lets put one of those on there. And we are done. No logo, no thought put into it and no one is ever going to buy that thing. I was surprised Beasley put it on his head.

Secondly, I thought Beasley looked suspiciously small. Ok, maybe not, but apparently the guy is only 6'7" and had been listed as 6'"10 all year. That my friends is misleading. Could you imagine being a huge Verne Troyer fan (aka Austin Power's "Mini-Me") and finding out that the little bugger was actually 2'8" when you had him pegged at an even 3 feet the whole time? How demoralizing would that be? Thats how I feel about this Beasley betrayal. Its going to be a while before this heart learns to trust again.

Oh yeah and my basketball thoughts on Beasley are that he very well might average 20 points and 10 boards in the NBA some day. I see him panning out like an Antawn Jamison type and there is nothing wrong with that. The big difference is that I don't think I am ever going to cheer for Beasley. Something just rubs me wrong about the guy. Prove me wrong Michael.

Pick #3- Minnesota Timberwolves select OJ Mayo (Guard, USC)

I write guard for Mayo's position because according to him he can play point guard. According to me he cannot. I see him panning out as a decent SG but I don't see how he plays PG.

Who knew that OJ stood for "Ovinton James". No wonder the guy goes by OJ? There has to be a clause in the NBA rule book that states a list of names that are clearly forbidden from participating in NBA basketball. Ovinton has got to be near the top of that list. I would guess that other list dwellers would include Dexter, Rex, Phillip, Sven, and Eugene. If you are cursed with one of those names you must shorten, hyphenate or destroy it in some way before they let you in. Come to think of it...I think Ovinton may have been the middle name of Carlton Banks on the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" tv series. If it wasn't, it likely should have been.

Pick #4- Seattle/Oklahoma City Supersonic/New Name Guys select Russell Westbrook (Guard, UCLA)

It must be interesting to be drafted by a team that will not exist shortly after they pick you. Interesting or disheartening. Apparently, Westbrook went screaming up draft boards in the weeks prior to this pick. Must not have been very many NBA GM's who picked UCLA to win the NCAA tourney like I did. I watched the kid play and though he was solid, I missed the part where he dazzled anyone enough to warrant a top 5 pick. Well now he gets to prove it in Oklahoma City where no one will ever hear from him again. Look for news on Westbrook on the back page of the local Oklahoma papers right under the statistics from the local goat riding leagues.

Pick #5- Memphis Grizzlies select Kevin Love (PF, UCLA)

I liked this pick. I like anyone who can chuck a basketball from one end of the court to the other and see it go through the hoop is cool with me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z2sFmrR7bc
He also did this in Grade 8!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZpljX-jnFk&feature=related

The Grizzlies almost had to pick him based on cool factor alone. Not only do they get a starting forward but I am pretty sure he could run the halftime show as well. Maybe some chainsaw juggling or something. If the Grizzlies make this work, I will buy season tickets. And thats from 3000km away.

I really wanted to see Love become a Milwaukee Buck but I didn't think that was going to happen, so he might as well go to Memphis where he can never, ever hurt us.

Note: Love and Mayo were swapped for each other on draft day. I think it was probably for the best. Love doesn't look as pale surrounded by Minnesotans and Mayo will now not freeze to death or be eaten by real wolves. Everybody wins.

Note 2: About this point in the draft, I flipped over to the CFL opener of my beloved Hamilton Tiger-Cats. For those that don't know, the Ti-Cats are stuck in a revolving film reel where they play the part of Charlie Brown in that scene where that little witch keeps pulling the football away when he wants to kick it. You know its kind of funny, but its also really sad.

Well, on draft night I flipped over to find the Ti-Cats already down 10-0 early and Canadian "comedian" (and I use that term as loosely as humanly possible) Martin Short doing guest commentary in the booth. Needless to say, I puked in my mouth a little. The football was bad enough without a Martin Short tie-in. He admitted that he didn't watch much CFL football and I was just waiting for him to ask the real announcers how many "strikeouts" the Ti-Cats had. Well Martin, I have been on this planet Earth on and off for the last 27 odd years and of those seasons I think the Ti-Cats have pitched about 25 strikeouts. And this year looks no different. And you Martin Short are not funny! And I cannot name one of your movies! And I don't know one of your ditty-filled Broadway shows! But I get it, Martin Short, I get it.

This what I get: I started to flip back to the draft I realized the parallel between Short and the Cats and why he was asked into the booth to open the season. They are equivalents. Both are meant to entertain but fail horribly at their task and instead leave you wanting to bash in your nose with a meat tenderizer. Game 1 of the season...let the Ti-Cat festival of suck begin anew. And Martin Short if anyone asks I command you to deny your Canadian citizenship at every turn, much like Roseanne Barr has been asked to do in the US. Garbage all around. END OF RANT!

Pick #6- New York Knicks select Danilo Gallinari (PF, Armani Jeans Milan)

Well this did not go over well. The New York crowd booed the crap out of this pick. And then Danilo had to go up on the stage and put on a Knicks hat amid death threats from a crowd that looked like it had gathered for a taxi driver convention. Or a Taliban mass execution. Of course, none of them had any clue about his skills, attitude, commitment etc. They just saw a tall Italian kid that they didn't like based on how he looked. Period. And in New York that is reason enough.

Interesting that he played for Armani Jeans Milan. I was hoping to see footage of Gallinari playing playing in a nice pair of stonewashed button-fly jeans and just dunking on everyone. That would have been impressive. The fans couldn't have booed that. Why don't we have sports teams named after clothes in North America? Maybe based on the fashion sense of the particular city? May I propose: Lederhosen Milwaukee, Seattle Rainslickers, or the Miami Banana-Hammocks. Something for the new Oklahoma City team to ponder perhaps? Maybe something to do with coon-skins, or squirrel pelts?

Pick #7- LA Clippers select Eric Gordon (Guard, Indiana)

Eric said he was a point guard. Eric is wrong. Eric...you are too fat to play point guard. A week after this pick, the Clippers signed Baron Davis . Eric, you might want to start telling people that you play shooting guard. Or you will play that position on the bench right next to where Smush Parker keeps telling people he is a point guard.

Pick #8- Milwaukee Bucks select Joe Alexander (SF, West Virginia)

As a Bucks fan, I was already happy that we traded Bobby Simmons and Yi Jianlian away earlier in the day for Richard Jefferson. Simmons was signed to a horrid deal and Yi was not Yao. He sucked. And he will not get better in New Jersey. Alexander looks like he belongs in Milwaukee (read: he is not Chinese. Akthough interestingly he can speak Mandarin fluently). If Yi thought it was creepy being the only Chinese guy in Wisconsin, he is really going to like sticking out like a sore thumb on the murdery streets of Newark.

I loved Alexander in this year's NCAA tourney. He carried the WVU team throughout the tourney. He was a competitor, he tried, he cared and that is more than we can say for most of these draftees (and last year's Bucks team in its entirety). I really think we should have traded for Kevin Love as well so we can start a lineup that features Alexander, Love and Bogut. Put Paul Bunyan in at coach and the Blue Ox as GM and I think we are on to something. Then make the jerseys blindingly white as well and Bucks games against the rest of the league will look like a giant game of checkers. Or the blending process that produces the Oreo blizzards at Dairy Queen. Either way, I will watch it.

Pick #9- Charlotte Bobcats select DJ Augustin (PG, Texas)

Raymond Felton must have been thrilled to see this pick. It confirms what the rest of the world already knew, he isn't very good. Unlike some of the other point guard posers, Augustin belongs at the point. And he's pretty good. Didn't know that his family home in New Orleans had been destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. At 5'11" and 172lbs. the kid must be able to play to be a top ten pick in the NBA draft. I actually wish this kid some success. Too bad the curse of a Michael Jordan draft pick is alive and well. DJ can phone Kwame Brown and ask him about that... I think you just call the YMCA shelter in Memphis and they will patch you through to Kwame.

Pick #10- New Jersey Nets select Brook Lopez (C, Stanford)

Good pick. Brook is the twin who is tall and looks scary. He will be a Net. His brother Robin is the one is tall and looks like this
http://www.nancarrow-webdesk.com/warehouse/storage2/2008-w25/img.247963_t.jpg.

He will be a Sun or a carnival attraction. Robin described his brother as a "very big mean streak" which is good for the Nets because with the Yi acquisition they now have their pansy to even out the aggression that Brook Lopez brings. If I am Yi, I make fast friends with Lopez so that they don't find me floating down the Hudson River in an egg roll. And if being Yi's bodyguard is Brook's legacy then so be it.

That was it for what I saw of the first ten picks of the 2008 NBA draft. I enjoyed the sights and sounds of another interesting draft and we will see how this all plays out in the fall.

May Quickies

Can it actually be the end of May? Due to lingering snow I have mowed my lawn a grand total of 3 times. That means one Friday afternoon a week for the last 3 weeks. It has been like clockwork, so if you are lurking in the bushes of my neighbourhood by all means feel free to pull up a lawn chair next Friday and watch me make quick work of my underfoot greenery.

Some noted quickies:

1) Mike Gillis wrote me a letter the other day. You know Mike Gillis as the new GM of the Vancouver Canucks. I apparently now know him as my penpal. He wrote me assuring me that he was committed to making the Canucks a winner again and that he had a gameplan to do so. Which was reassuring because I probably would have been a little cheesed had he written me saying "I am actually just in this for a quick paycheque bump and I think I might trade the Sedins to Philly for Riley Cote and Antero Niitymaki". Its good that we are peeps now. My wife says it has something to do with the fact that I was on a Canucks insider mailing list but I refuse to believe that. Mike and I are tight now and I fully expect that he got my reply and is going to shell out some dough for Marian Hossa in the summer.

All I know is that former GM Dave Nonis never sent me a letter. He once gave me a questionable back rub for a box of Krispy Kreme's but that was different. I think this Gillis move is one in the right direction.

2) If you think that you have a suck life, then read this. I remember watching Johnny Tapia fight once upon a time when I got HBO and actually enjoyed watching boxing. But then I realized all the garbage that pollutes the boxing world. And I stopped watching. Check out the link below. I read this in the back of SI last week. CONCLUSION: It must be tough to be Johnny Tapia, his wife, his kid, their neighbour, their postman, their dog, their fridge, etc...
http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1135938/index.htm

3) Catch of the week finalists are:

a. The Cubs Jim Edmonds running up the hill in centre field to make a circus catch in Houston. Why is there a hill on the field you ask? I don't know. Why is there a flagpole on the hill at the top of the hill...also in play? No clue. In any other field that is still a nice catch but double nice in Houston. Just wondering what they were thinking when they made that field. How can we make this unique? I know lets change the topography of centre field.

b) Me. Thats right. The other day the wife and I watched the dog get off the leash out at the park and spend the next 20 minutes daring us to catch it. The thing is the size of a malnourished ground squirrel and runs a 4.2 second 40 yard dash. It also is about as tall as Danny DeVito at its highest point so the chances of me catching it were pretty much nil. If we were in a cardboard box we might have had a chance but this chase was taking place on about 10 acres of sports fields. Eventually, it tired of tormenting us and ran back into the car where we decided just to wait it out. And then we beat it into a coma with the icy window scraper thing. Ok...that didn't happen. But there were parts of me that wanted it to.

Anyways...the catch. Today we went out on that same walk again and I ran with the dog on the leash. We came to a gate and the cunning little beast decided instead of running through the gate it would dash under the fence and slam the leash into the fence to free itself. Almost worked. The force of the collision launched the leash out of my hand and it fell in slow motion to the ground. The dog gave me a "screw you" look and started to bolt but I dived to the ground and caught the end of the leash, yanking the dog back to me and captivity. Two scraped knees, one dirt filled hand and one captured mutt. Let's see you do that Jim Edmonds.

Catch of the week winner: Me...by KO.

4) The WNBA is back. Here is my season preview. In the East I like the team with the really tall butchy girls and in the West...uh more of the same. As for the rest of the teams I see them breaking down like this...ya right...who am I kidding?

5) Why would anyone sign up to be a goalie in college lacrosse? I watched a little of the NCAA semi-final between Syracuse and Virginia today and I felt for the little guys in net. I have seen Major League Lacrosse (is that what its called?) where the goalies are wearing look like they have stuffed their shirts and pants with bags and bags of marshmallows. Not the fruity little marshmallows that you plop into your hot chocolate either, we are talking the big ones. The NCAA guys are wearing nothing. They have a helmet but nothing that the other players don't have. Oh wait...they do have larger webbing in their sticks. Which I doubt helps them save anything but might help them gather up their testicles more quickly when they are knocked clean off their body by hurtling lacrosse balls. Who signs up for this? Thats like playing hockey goalie in a thong, flip flops and wearing a sombrero. And holding a toothpick. Yet a bigger toothpick than the others. Dumb.

6) I am not sure that something can really be called a sport when at the end of the day it ends up in a euthanization? Can it? For those who don't know, the horse Eight Belles was put to sleep forever only a couple of steps past the finish line of the Kentucky Derby. The horse had just finished second and likely won some people a handful of money and then it broke both front legs and had to be killed on the track. Why on the track in front of 120,000 people...I am not sure.

When my soccer team Leicester City was relegated to the 3rd highest tier of English football I was angry and sullen. But I didn't want for the players to stay on the field, let the other team leave and then Zyklon B them. Something about someone/something being left lifeless after a competition doesn't seem right to me. Maybe this is why I gave up watching boxing and never found myself watching a UFC fight begging for a murder.

7) I watched the final of American Idol. That guy beat that other guy and approximately 3 people were conscious at the end when we found out who won. This was because we had to watch a bazillion crappy performances that made us a cringe and feel extremely sorry for the people who lost and ourselves. If that was a prelude to the American Idol tour this summer, you can count me out. You could have counted me out anyways but this was the capper. The only bright spot was the appearance of Bryan Adams who still reps Canada well at age 74. I still remember listening to "Everything I Do" at summer camp some time in the 90's...and wondering why you would do everything for a girl. I mean some things yes. But freakin' everything?

8) I'm not still bitter that the Bucks took Bogut at #1 in the 2005 NBA draft. I mean Chris Paul and Deron Williams wouldn't have been better picks would they? Hold on I have to stop and wipe the tears off of my face, and arms, and legs, and toes, and the carpet and where the little estuary ran down the stairs.

And then the NBA draft lottery punched me in the face again last week and gave the Bucks the 8th pick. Great. That's about the territory that teams do stupid things like take people who come from some far away land and have no clue about what it means to play in the NBA. Yes, guys like Yi. I have a feeling we are going to pass on Eric Gordon with that pick and take Stanislav Yakscrotumski out of Tajikistan and label him a "can't miss prospect". When is someone going to tell the truth and label these guys "can't make prospects"?

9) Saturday Night Live is on tv behind me. How dumb has that show become? You can debate whether that showed peaked during the late Sandler and Farley years or the moment Will Ferrell skipped town but the fall from grace has been rough.

10) This quote from the Bill Simmons blog on ESPN...which is always a great read:
"I'm not sure if Byron Scott should have benched Jannero Pargo in Game 7, clotheslined Pargo as he was running by the Hornets bench, or just shot Pargo in the leg with a BB gun, but regardless, you really don't want Jannero Pargo deciding your NBA season. It's one of my rules in life."

Apparently Ime Udoka from the Spurs isn't a big Simmons fan. If he had read that maybe he isn't the guy hoisting up lame ducks in the 4th quarter of Game 1 against the Lakers as the Spurs desperately try to hold on. Maybe he passes it to guys like Parker, Ginobili, Duncan, Horry, Finley, Barry etc. instead of not even hitting the rim. Just a suggestion. I wonder if Pargo texted him the next day and said "listen dude, i wasn't aware of it either, but apparently we aren't supposed to be deciding NBA playoff games". October games against the Grizzlies perhaps, but not playoff games in May.

11) Is it bad that I was hoping Danica Patrick would never win a race? I put that right up there on my list of "I hope this doesn't happens". Other list dwellers include:
a) Michelle Wie winning a PGA, LPGA or Champions Tour tourney
b) The Montreal Canadiens winning the Stanley Cup again
c) Paul Tracy winning any kind of race
d) Daniel Snyder ever getting his smug face near a Super Bowl ring.
e) Hillary Clinton beoming the President of anything.
f) Bert and Ernie becoming full fledged members of the Ku Klux Klan thereby severely weakening their working relationships with both the Count and Snuffleupagus.

Other than those things, anything else can happen and I won't get too mad.

Well, thats about it. For the record, I expect to see the Red Wings and Lakers (gag/puke) as champions of their respective leagues and I also see Big Brown winning the triple crown in horse racing. And thank goodness we are only 3 months away from another NFL season.

Canucks 2008-2009

It really pains me to write this article. I was hoping to be sitting here tonight watching game 5 of the Canucks opening round series but alas that was a pipe dream. A leaky, corroded pipe of a dream. But maybe that series wouldn't have squirmed its way past 4 games anyways. So all we can do is scoop up our #10 pick in the next draft and let the calendar flip its way towards next October. And when the calender gets there, I don't want to see the same garbage team that melted away into the GM place ice this year. We need changes. And I am going to tell you what those changes need to be.

1) Well Dave Nonis is already gone. So I can't say that I orchestrated that change. Actually I am not sure that it would have been a change I made. I don't know how much of this collapse could be pinned on chubmeister Dave. I am not mad that he traded Todd Bertuzzi (who by the way is a future serial killer...mark my words) for Roberto Luongo. Not only was that a rip off but we got the better of the spare parts in that deal too when we scooped up Lucas Krajicek who has skill for Bryan Allen who is...um...tall and has um...girth?

And I am not mad that Nonis didn't trade the Sedins for Olli Jokinen at the deadline because that would have been stupid. Likewise the deal he could have made to get Brad Richards but would have cost us Kesler and Edler. He was fat but he wasn't that dumb. Why is it that when people see a fatso they think to themselves quietly that "he must be dumb as a stump too". Don't think like that. If Oprah has taught me anything in life its that skinny Oprah is just as flippin' dumb as fatty Oprah was back in the day. Body weight does not affect brain ability.

Nonis is gone. He leaves behind him an All Star goaltender, a decent defence corps, some good young players (Raymond, Edler, Schneider, Bourdon) and a trail of donut glaze that winds its way down West Georgia street, through Stanley Park and peters out somewhere in the wooded hills north of town. The new GM has plenty of pieces to work with and I know what he should do.

2) Change number 2 is to let Trevor Linden retire. Don't even talk to him about coming back. I love Linden, but we cannot keep doing this every year. He did his victory lap in the last regular season game against the Flames, they made him the number 1 star and now he needs to go. I remember watching him circle the ice in the final game and saying to my wife that he would be one big arrogant glory hog to actually have the nerve to come back for another season now. I'm glad that Jeff Cowan didn't try that or I am pretty sure that someone would have thrown a sack of hammers on his head as he skated around. Time to go Trevor...its been fun. Take Cowan with you.

3) Re-sign Markus Naslund for cheap. If he will take 3 million/1year we have a deal. No extra years. No extra dollars. But we owe Markus the chance to come back and play on this team. If we can play out Linden for 3 or 4 extra years then we sure as heck can give Markus an extra year for all he did for us. Hands down my all time favourite Canuck. Bure was flashier, McLean was an excellent goalie, and Odjick was so ugly that you almost felt sorry for him but none were as much of a Canuck star as Markus.

4) Don't re-sign Brendan Morrison. Package him with something in a trade and get something in return. Or save 3 million and let him go. I have just tired of him.

This is my roster that fits under the cap for next season.

Henrik Sedin/Daniel Sedin/Marian Hossa
Markus Naslund/Jeff Carter/Mason Raymond
Alex Burrows/Ryan Kesler/Taylor Pyatt
Matt Pettinger/Jannik Hansen/Michael Grabner

Willie Mitchell/Sami Salo
Matthias Ohlund/Lukas Krajicek
Kevin Bieksa/Alex Edler

Roberto Luongo
Drew McIntyre

Changes made:
Hossa signed as an UFA
Carter traded here for Bourdon and two draft picks
Hansen, Grabner, McIntyre up from the Moose

That would be a decent team. If Anson Carter could score 33 goals with the Sedins, a sniper like Hossa should pot around 350. Hossa has more talent in his big left toe than Carter had in his whole body. Carter is going to be shopped around because the Flyers have other players to pay. And the kids from the Moose cannot be any worse than the goofballs that occupied those spots this year. Here's hoping I don't see Ritchie, Cowan, Rypien or McIver in a Canucks uniform ever again.

The NHL is dead to me this year. I don't care if anyone actually wins the Stanley Cup. I am not cheering for the other Canadian teams. I am glad Ottawa is gone and I hope that Calgary and Montreal join them soon. I do not have 2 NHL teams that I "cheer" for. Its the Canucks and nothing else. The Dave Nonis timbit massacre years are over. The garbage that was the end of this year is over. Over like Madonna's sex appeal. Over like Hillary Clinton's presidential chances (and sex appeal too...curiously enough). Over like Bill Cosby's sense of humour. Over like...well you get the point. The Canucks will be back. We will fix what ails us and you will hear from us in 2009.

March quickies

Wow. Things have been busy. I'm sure there was lots to write about, just no time to sneak it in. Oh well...here's a recap of March.

1) How come every year when I do my fantasy baseball drafts, I feel the need to waste a late round pick on Richie Sexson? Why? His numbers from last year looked like this: 21 hrs, 63 rbi's, 100 strikeouts, a .205 average and 1 stolen base (that I guarantee when I look it up came off of my totally inept Orioles) And his numbers are progressively going down. I mean way down. The guy used to be a he-stallion and my brain cannot let that go and move on. Its kinda like the brain remembering the Madonna of old and then coming to the startling realization that she too is on a downward progression. One that will inevitably end with her becoming Skeletor. Mark my words, its going happen. She is about 5 years and a purple hoodie away from the end of her downward spiral. I don't think Sexson is going to last that long.

2) There are now kids all over North America who want to be: Stephen Curry. Who you ask? Uh, that would be the pipsqueak who led the NCAA tournament in scoring by playing for a 10 seed named Davidson (?!) and lighting up Gonzaga for 40pts, Georgetown for 30pts, Wisconsin for 33pts, and Kansas for 25 pts in a nail-biting losing effort. The kid just turned 20 years old and he looks like he is 13 years old. But wow can he shoot. Over people. Under people. Through people? I have seriously never seen a performance like that in the NCAA tourney. The last player I remember being that dominant was Carmelo Anthony the one year he played college ball and led Syracuse to a title. I can't remember anything else that comes close. The refreshing part is that he intends to graduate and he is a humble young man. People question whether he can play in the NBA due to his size...but let me make this perfectly clear to my Milwaukee Bucks...are listening you dismal fools?...IF Curry is available when WE draft in 2009 or 2010...PICK HIM!!! Don't pick some neanderthal who still has trouble tying his shoes just because he is 6'10" (yes I am talking about you and your velcro Kwame Brown). And don't pick the next Chinese monster coming out whose name starts with "Y". Alphabetically, that player should by then be named Yu. Let me say this one more time...the Milwaukee Bucks should select Stephen Curry...and let the Knicks take Yu...'cause they will. End of rant.

3) The New Orleans Hornets are really good and I will be cheering for them in the playoffs. Because my team won't be there.

4) I am not going to write about the NHL team that I am going to cheer for the in playoffs. Because I still hope and believe my team will be there.

5) This was nice. And not only because Allen Iverson made a pass. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_IJPi1s9XY

6) April will be a good month if: the Canucks are still playing at the end of it, Leicester City does not get relegated to Division 1 of English soccer, the NFL sked gives me a chance to go to a game this fall, UCLA wins the Final Four, the Orioles win 5 games, my wisdom teeth come out without a fight and I don't trip over the dog and go toes-over-nads down the stairs. Yep, I would be content with all of that.

I'm going to finish up with something that concerns me as a sports fan. It's a picture of my buddy JR Smith again. Why can't athletes just take a normal picture for their internet Yahoo sports profiles? I really can't decide if I am supposed to be scared of him because he really is a thug...or look at this and say...so that's what the illegitimate son of Jean Chretien and Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo would look like. Google image those two and try to tell me that JR would not be their spawn. I dare you.

A Top Ten Travel Trio

Maybe this entry is just an excuse for me to use a boatload of alliteration in a title. That has always been a secret dream of mine. I was going to write an article on the "Many merciful miracles made meaningful by making muffins"... but I don't have much to blab about on that subject. If you can make that title work for you, write a blog and I will read every last word (or morsel) of it.

But this entry is going to focus on 3 different travel ideas according to me. First, I want to talk about the top 10 places my eyes have ever seen. Then we will discuss the top 10 places I would still like to go. And then top it off with 10 places I hope to never go to. And then maybe a week or two from now a bonus section containing places I would like to see if it had less landmines or other ways to blow myself to smithereens in some way. Or animals that are intent on maiming me.

You ready? Limber up. Maybe to prep...we should all take a second to take a look at this picture of Steve Nash and Jason Kidd not giving a rat's pooper as they paint the door of a house in New Orleans during NBA All-Star weekend. It's like their eyes are saying "good, ya got the picture?...well then lets bugger off out of here then...ya we know the door looks like crap...whats that?...no we don't really care that much because we both make 10 million a year..." And then they speed off in a Hummer limo. I mean I love Steve Nash but put a little effort into it eh? Then again, maybe the house belonged to Kidd's witch of an ex-wife.

THE Top Ten Places My Eyes Have Ever Seen

10) Lucerne, Switzerland- This should probably higher because it has mountains, a lake and killer swans. And a really nice hostel where you won't get murdered.

9) Copenhagen, Denmark- Quirky little place with its people riding their bikes everywhere and looking like they just stepped out of a catalog. I also got a wicked foot fungus from walking a couple hours to see the Little Mermaid monument (which was a letdown) but I am not sure that is really a travel selling point. But if you like foot fungus...well I think I proved you can definitely get it here.

8) Berlin, Germany- I like the old mixed with the new. And I am not talking about the elderly and babies. Instead I like the old World War II remnants mixed with the crazy modernness of Potsdamer Platz. You watch a professional game or walk anywhere near the Brandenburg Gate or Reichstag and you feel Berlin. And its a good kind of feel. Not like the one that your neighbour went to prison for.

7) Vancouver Island, Canada- The drive through the rainforest across to Ucluelet is a lot of fun. The ferry ride to get there is fun. And the toothless local BC hillbillies (who you know without a doubt are growing hectares of hemp out in the bush somewhere) cap off the experience.

6) Oregon Coast, USA- The one hour drive west of Portland is amazing in itself and then you hit the ocean and its really just the cherry on top.

5) Norfolk Island, Australia- If it weren't for the goat-eating spiders this might rate higher. But the spiders do take it down a notch. But when I need to escape reality for a few minutes, I get on Google Earth and take myself to Emily Bay again and again.

4) France- I liked the Mediterranean coast around Nice other than the women who resembled musk oxen flashing their bosoms as they flopped out of the sea. And the country side as you whistle from Geneva, Switzerland to Paris is breathtakingly simple. And I know Paris is not for everyone but it worked for me.

3) Canadian Rockies- Sometimes you don't have to go very far to find something that blows your mind. Unless you live in Banff and wake up to drunk tourists sleeping on your deck or get eaten by a grizzly bear on a nature walk...this place is a little slice of heaven. If heaven had bears.

2) New Zealand countryside- Its nice. I liked it. Probably even better in the summer.

1) The Tyrol Province of Austria- If you take the train or a car from Liechtenstein to Innsbruck, you are in for some of the best views of your life. As you wind thru the Alps and look at little picturesque towns and villages that cling to the mountainsides you really start to wonder why you don't just move here, buy a flock of sheep and live like the people in the Sound of Music...without the Nazi's of course.

Moving on...

Top Ten Places I Would Still Like to See

10) Quebec: Maybe a trip from Quebec City up the Gaspe Peninsula.

9) Russia: Moscow (I have this urge to stand in Red Square and salute something) and St Petersburg would do the trick.

8) Finland: Would have went in 2005 if the wait for a ferry from Stockholm to Helsinki wasn't going to be 3 days. Apparently, some people make that jaunt for the sole reason that the alcohol is duty free on the boat over. How much do you seriously have to drink to make that ferry ticket pay for itself? I am not sure I want to see the results of that little survey question.

7) Japan: But I am not using chopsticks.

6) Iceland: Or the moon because they both kind of look like they feature the same landscapes from the pictures I have seen. But the moon doesn't have thermal hot springs. Mmmm...thermal springs.

5) Ireland: The day I decide that you really haven't lived until you get in a bar brawl I am going here. Because they do it best.

4) South Africa: I want to swim around off the coast of Cape Town and see if those rumours about all the Great White Sharks are true. I'm going to call their bluff.

3) Czech Republic: Want to walk across the Charles Bridge and see the people who can actually give Dominik Hasek a standing ovation and still look at themselves in the mirror.

2) Chile and Argentina: Torres del Paine National Park and a soccer game in Buenos Aires would do the trick. And maybe a jaunt down to Ushuaia to choke a penguin.

1) Slovenia and Croatia: I hear its highly underrated and as long as people don't start another civil war you can count me in some day.

And then...

Top Ten Places I Never Need to Go

10) Kenya: I don't like getting hit with machetes. I think that's a good enough reason really. What you need one more? Okay, those Masai tribesman guys creep me out when they bounce all over the place like Tigger on speed.

9) India: No.

8) Colombia: I don't do drugs. I don't sell drugs. I don't like transporting balloons of cocaine in my bum. I don't like weapons or being kidnapped by people who have them. Hmm...what else does that really leave here?

7) Somalia: The Wikitravel guide for Mogadishu (the capital city) says that " if you really must come here then its best to get an armed guard...be escorted through the city by Somali or Ethiopian troops...in an armoured car...or better yet a TANK (dead serious)." That sounds swell. Wait, what does that last sentence say. Oh yeah..."independent travel will more than likely result in your death". That didn't really sway my mind any. Do I go? Well Mr Wikitravel what exactly is your definition of "more than likely?". Hmm?

6) Sudan: I'm not going here because Angelina Jolie has. Really kills the buzz for me.

5) Rwanda/Burundi: See Kenya above. I would like to see the mountain gorillas but I am thinking that with my luck I would stumble on a bunch of them...and they too would be wielding machetes.

4) Chad: I looked at the pictures. That was good enough.

3) Iraq: Beheadings...me no likey. I wonder if I could get one of those old Saddam statues for my back yard though. They are just going to go to waste anyways.

2) Pakistan: This place has really been shooting up my charts lately. Bombings suck. Rioting sucks. Mournful wailing sucks when it gets to the point where you know some are overdoing it just to get on tv. And pointless violence sucks. For example, last week I saw a couple guys on tv in Islamabad who were obviously upset over something. So they set a bus on fire. And watched it burn for a while. But that was not good enough. So they picked up rocks and chucked them at the burning bus. Why? I will never know. I can imagine the conversation going like this:

Pakistani 1: I am mad.

Pakistani 2: Me too.

Pakistani 1: Lets burn this bus to prove it.

Pakistani 2: Yes, lets.

(They set bus on fire and watch for a couple minutes).

Pakistani 1: Something's missing.

Pakistani 2: Yessirree Bob.

Pakistani 1: Hey we have rocks. Are you thinking what I am thinking?

Pakistani 2: (thoughfully) No. I was thinking we should chuck them at the bus.

Pakistani 1: Well that works too.

(They chuck rocks at the now half burned bus...and Scene!)

I don't want to go because of the fear of writing another transcript like this or being mistaken for a bus.

1) Saskatchewan: On the scale of awfulness...rats trump everything...all the time. I think that when God created this place he spent about as much time and effort as Nash and Kidd did on that N'Awlins door. No I don't really think that but I there has to be some reason why every year when holidays start my car points itself west and never, ever east. Some day I will go back but it won't be soon. I'd rather be a Pakistani bus.

January quickies

I'm feeling good about this month. All my pro sports teams continued to swirl in the toilet, (I actually think the Bucks are on verge of clogging the thing up) but its a good time of year. Here are my observations this month.

1) I watched some college hoops today. Thought I would check out the so-called phenoms that are OJ Mayo of USC and Michael Beasley of Kansas State who both were in action on my tv today. The USC-UCLA game was slightly entertaining and Mayo was invisible. Not literally because that would have been a plus for him, but figuratively. I hardly noticed him at all. Which pretty much guarantees that the Bucks take him with the third pick in next year's draft. Houston will have Yao and McGrady and we will have the mini-dunkers version in Yi and Mayo. And I will cry real tears...

Beasley was more impressive. Looks like he can score, rebound, and take over a game when he needs to. Ugly as a troll, but a ball player. So here are my conclusions

1. Beasley: Can do things 2. Mayo: Cannot.

A couple side notes from my bball watching. For one, is it illegal for a stud athlete to have the same last name as their mother? I wasn't surprised when they introduced Beasley's mom as something other than Mrs. Beasley. It's almost as if you need to be born out of wedlock or the product of a divorce to become a great athlete. Ever notice this? You see it time and time again. Kinda makes me bitter at my dad for staying with my mom all these years...I knew there was something holding me back. And I could have made millions and paid him back for the useless things like love, companionship and all that other mushy garbage he got from 25 years of marriage. Why couldn't he have just been a deadbeat like the other dads? I'm not forgiving him for this anytime soon.

Secondly, there is nothing like a coach sucking the ever-living joy out of a player live on tv. The K-State coach scowled and growled the whole game, yelling at his players and benching them for little mistakes. And I saw a USC bench-warmer jump up and down after a completed 3 point play against UCLA. He was happy for his teammates and happy for his team. And then he promptly got a two hand shove on to the bench by an assistant coach. An it wasn't a loving shove. Correct me if I am wrong, but don't we play this game for fun? Well, good work by that coach because despite continuing to win, every time I saw that player on the bench for the rest of the game, he was completely devoid of positive emotion. If you ever see me coach like that, call me on it, and I will quit right there and then...because thats not what it's about.

3) I am not a fan of Rick Nash. But I am a fan of this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wk_wuWmJRs. Wow. Still not a fan, but I admit that Alex Burrows or Matt Cooke isn't breaking out anything like that any time soon.

4) I am going to miss Don Wittman. There are good sports announcers (Verne Lundqvist, Gus Johnson, Jim Hughson, Chris Cuthbert) and there are some bad ones (Joe Buck, Bob Costas and anyone who works for FoxSports). Wittman was a good one. The voice of many CBC sports for 50 years, Wittman was a pleasure to listen to. Whether it was the Olympics, CFL, or the NHL he did a great job of conveying the emotion and importance of the moment. And thats what makes sports announcing good. Wittman could even make you sit and watch curling or track and field and help you enjoy them. Or at least not hate them as much. Not many can do that. When I sit down and listen to a sports contest and get greeted by the voice of Buck, John Madden or a nimrod like Bill Maas it detracts from the experience. To think I am going to miss a 71 year old man from Winnipeg who I never met is kinda weird...but its true. RIP Don.

5) Orioles update: We have signed zero free agents this offseason. Yippee! And the players I was cheering for last year have proven to be unworthy of any applause. Tejada is thankfully gone but is pretty much a slam dunk to be in big steroid trouble in the next year. Jay Gibbons was on the juice. And Brian Roberts did it once. And Aubrey Huff was quoted saying all sorts of horrible things while he body-painted a porn star on a cable radio show. (You don't even want to know what he had to say) And the biggest news swirling around the team is that they might trade Erik Bedard! Their best pitcher! In like, the last 10 years! And he's not old! But yes trade him away...and I will go down to the drugstore and pick up some cyanide pills for myself and the dog. Me for being an O's fan and the dog because there is no way that thing gets to continue to live when I am gone.

6) Philip Rivers and Igor Olshansky should shut up. Because the Patriots are going to kill the Chargers...with or without Phil and Igor. And I'll admit it, I like Brett Favre. For me admitting I like a Green Bay Packer is akin to me liking bubble baths, nail files or the music of Rod Stewart. But I like him, because he is good guy despite the jersey. And maybe, just maybe I am cheering for the Packers to win it all. And maybe I will wheel the tv into the bathroom, draw myself a bubble bath and crank some "Maggie May" while I am at it. Maybe.

Those were my thoughts for January. I know its early but we have exams, new courses and other stuff in the way over the next two weeks that will take my attention elsewhere. Seeya in February!

Wild Card Weekend

I was sitting around the other day thinking of another topic to write about on here. I thought maybe I should actually sit and watch the WJHC semi-final game between Canada and the United States and give my thoughts on it. I think I made myself pretty clear in the previous post that I loathe that tourney, but maybe sitting and watching a whole game would change my opinion. Well guess what....it didn't. And maybe thats because I actually could not physically sit there and watch the whole thing. I was bored...and soon I was as squirmy as a 6 year old in church or a Cuban at a Fidel Castro speech-a-thon. I seriously would have had more fun watching a 3 legged race run by sloths. So that idea for a post was scrapped. In it's place, we get a brief look at this weeks NFL Wildcard weekend.

Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks

I think this is a tricky matchup for the Seahawks for a bunch of reasons. One is that the Redskins are coming off some real nice road wins the last couple weeks at the Vikings and Giants. And they didn't just squeak those victories out, they flat out dominated. As a Vikings fan, I remember that dreary night 2 weeks ago when Clinton Portis ran all over us, Todd Collins looked like Tom Brady and the Redskins D kicked the crap out of our offense until garbage time.

They could very well do the same thing to the Seahawks.

It also doesn't help the Seahawks to have Shaun Alexander starting to resemble one of the participants in the aforementioned sloth 3 legged race. He is getting worse by the minute. I can actually picture the sloths all lined up at a picnic somewhere, waiting for the 3 legged race. And I can picture them all thinking to themselves "please don't put me with Shaun, please don't put me with Shaun"...it seriously has gotten that bad.

The Seahawks do have a couple things going for them. First, that stadium is a fortress. Like "Helm's Deep" off of the Lord of the Rings movies. This is where the Seahawks crawl back to when they have been beaten senseless on the road and power up to defeat any enemies that come into their house. Ok, so Helm's Deep fell in the second Rings movie, but c'mon the Seahawks are defending it against the Redskins, not an army of orcs, goblins and trolls (unless we count a couple of the Redskin cheerleaders). The crowd will be loud, they won't sit down for fear of death at the hands of their fellow fans, they will force penalties and Kerney and Peterson should be able to track down Collins more than once.

I think: Seahawks 23 Redskins 17

Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers

Uh-oh...Willie Parker's dead. Well not literally dead, but figuratively he's flatlined. Like my heart that time I saw Rosie O'Donnell in a two piece. The defibrillators were useless. And Najeh Davenport is going to need the Steelers to sign Rosie to play fullback in front of him if he is going to make an impact.

Sure the Steelers can throw to Ward, Holmes and Miller but the fact is that they are a team that uses the run to set up the pass. A couple of weeks ago the Jags went into Pittsburgh and stomped a Steelers team that had a healthy Willie Parker to keep them honest. Now they don't and I think that is going to be a huge problem. Expect to see Jaguars defenders peeling themselves off of Big Ben more than a couple times tonight.

The fact is this: The Jaguars are the better team. They have proved it all year and as odd as it sounds they should be and are favoured in this game on the road. They have accused the Steelers of neglecting the Heinz Field turf so that it looks like the game is being played in Ethiopia. For the uneducated, Ethiopia is to sports field management as Saskatchewan is to scenery. Anyways, they could play this game on the Moon and I still like the grouping of Garrard, Taylor, Jones-Drew and company to find a way to win.

I think: Jaguars 24 Steelers 16

New York Giants at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Somehow Jeff Garcia got married to a Playboy centerfold...you don't think he goes to bed every night extremely thankful that he has the ability to throw a little piece of leather a good distance? 'Cause Garcia looks like an Irish groundhog who popped out one February morning to see his shadow and was attacked by someone wielding a shovel. And it looks like they hit him pretty square-on. Needless to say, they don't care as much about Groundhog Day in Ireland as we do here.

I like the Bucs in this game because I hate the Giants. I think that's all I need to say. It's a good enough reason for me. And yes I have dreamed of hitting Eli in the face with a shovel.

Buccaneers: 30 Giants: 13

Tennessee Titans at San Diego Chargers

The Titans are dropping like flies. This week they lost their top TE and WR to injury. Bo Scaife and Roydell Williams will miss the game. Scaife misses with a "lacerated liver" which is nature's alliterative way of saying "I did something really stupid and hurt a vital insidey-part". I probably could not lacerate my liver if I tried. And I kind of want to try. It's not like the Titans are losing players like Gates and Owens here but that offensive depth chart gets shallow in an awful hurry. We are talking West Virginia gene pool shallow here. And thats goin to be a problem.

Tomlinson should be enough to beat the Titans this week. If Philip Rivers doesn't try to screw it up and get in his way. I really thought that when Rivers and Eli Manning were traded for each other on draft day a couple years ago that they might both end up being very good QB's. Now I think we are a year or two away from watching them battle each other in the Arena League football. They both suck a boatload full.

I think: Chargers 33 Titans 10

(and as a reward next week the Chargers get kicked into a brick wall of reality...Indy style)

Those are my thoughts. Go bet your children on it.

p.s. I couldn't leave this out. Here was the starting lineup for the Miami Heat last night, keeping in mind that the Heat won the NBA championship 2 years ago. Ouch. Perhaps the basketball lineup equivalent of Rosie O'Donnell in the two piece or Larry King wearing only the suspenders. Yuck.

PG Chris Quinn

SG Daequan Cook

SF Ricky Davis

PF Udonis Haslem

C Mark Blount