I just realized its been a month since I wrote something on here. Oops. With classes to finish up before Christmas, basketball in full swing and holiday festivities it was easy to lose track of time. Then today I sat around doing absolutely nothing except making toast for a flu-stricken wife and watching "Little Miss Sunshine" for the 2nd time. Not a bad day all in all. I plan to end it by watching the always riveting college football game that is the Texas Bowl. Yep, 24 hours I am never getting back...and yet somehow it does not feel totally wasted.
Some December quicky observations:
1. Have I ever mentioned how much I deplore the World Junior Hockey Championships? Does anyone in Canada realize that we are the only country in the entire world that actually gives a flying poop about this? Its kinda like the kind of giddy excitement that the Scots get during the annual "World Caber Toss Championships". Except imagine it being the junior edition of that event. Whoopty-dee-do! Or if Pakistan could ever divise a competition based on mourning where the idea is to do the most random thing you could think of to show your sorrow. Like say setting a bus on fire and beating it with a giant stick. Or wandering around aimlessly with a truck tire around your neck. I have seen these on display in the last week and it makes me slightly giddy to think what they might come up with if their was ever a World Junior Crazy Mourning Championship. Come to think of it I would way rather watch that any day than endure the Canadian bonefest that is the WJHC.
The WJHC is probably the only thing that I will never cheer for Canada at. Somewhere deep in my heart, I secretly yearn for us to get beat by Denmark so that I can see all those hockey dads who are living vicariously through their sons on TV. And watch them think to themselves "we spent all those 5am mornings at the rink so that my son could lose to boys named Jens?" Is it any wonder that my favourite WJHC memory was that year we lost to Kazakhstan? Don't put it on my tv, I do not care.
2. Is Chris Simon totally retarded? Because you don't have to be employed by NASA (not even on their custodial staff) to know that you don't stomp on the back of someone's legs with skates on. Even if that person is Jarko Ruutu. Maybe only if that person was Dion Phaneuf.
3. When Eagles RB Brian Westbrook stopped on the 1 yard line instead of scoring a TD in Dallas, he likely cost me a fantasy football championship....and for the life of me I still can't find myself able to get mad at him. Weird.
4. I am slowing getting sick of my Milwaukee Bucks. The other night in Denver it was interesting to see that Mo Williams went 12-24 and the rest of the starters went 6-34. Wow...thats awful. I have finally come around to the idea of trading Redd, Bogut, Yi, Mason and pretty much any other piece of garbage not named Mo Williams. I can't watch as my favourite basketball team slowly morphs into horrid mediocrity like my baseball team (Orioles).
5. Speaking of the Orioles...isn't it interesting to see Orioles names show up in the steroids reports. Tejada, Roberts and Gibbons among the listed. How come we still sucked so bad then? For crying out loud, if you are going to take steroids you might as well take enough to actually make you good. And deal with the gonad shrinkage ramifications later. I love my sports teams, we can't even do steroids right.
6. Dropping a Coronation reference here but don't even try to dispute this one: Aaron Chan is the illegitimate love child of Yao Ming and Chien-Ming Yang. You know it, I know it and he knows it. End of story.
7. Here's a bad idea. Australian biker guy Robbie Maddison is going to jump over a football field on his motorbike on New Year's Eve. Must be an arena league field eh? Nope this one is going to be a 360 foot long NFL field placed somewhere out in the Vegas wilderness. ESPN is going to televise the event and is pumping it up as the postgame to the college football Chick-Fil-A Bowl. Firstly, I have never thought of suicide as a tasty postgame side dish and secondly, who are we kidding that this pathetic bowl game needs/deserves a postgame show.
So I guess here is my agenda for New Years Eve:
a) Watch Auburn vs Clemson in the Chick-Fil-A bowl
b) Watch in horror as some guy on a motorbike kills himself.
c) Kiss someone at midnight.
d) Fail to sleep because the last thing I did in 2007 was watch some guy kill himself for no apparent reason.
December 2007 was a good month. Only one blog entry but otherwise a solid month. I will try to get back on track in January with a more regular blogging flow. Just hoping my first one isn't going to be a Robbie Maddison obituary. I just have this bad feeling that the Maddison jump might end being as fun as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsBk475yjIk
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Ok, what in the heck?
I am talking about the newly unveiled mascots for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympic Games. You know...the games that are supposed to showcase Canada to the rest of the world. So its time to toss out a polar bear or an orca whale, slap a smile on its face and a Tim Hortons mug in its hand and be done with it right? Um...apparently not. Instead we get this:
What in the hey! I could summarize the stupidity of these mascots in one swift blow but I think its better to break it down one by one.
1 First you have Sumi, who appears to be a fox or a marmot who is also part hawk and who has the hairy feet of a hobbit duck. Is that accurate? And of course why not give him/her/it one of those toques with the 3 points on it that were cool for the month of February 2002 and not ever since. And then lets make the colours around it something really coastal and wintery...like some blues and grays and whites right? Nope, instead they have decided to go with the colour scheme of half of the country flags on the continent of Africa. If the games finish and you look back in ten years and you can't quite remember where the 2010 Olympics were...well this mascot should tell you. I would guess either Mauritania or Niger. Neither is a bad stab. Seriously.
It also appears that Sumi has just consumed a box of delicious cake donuts. I love those. Nothing screams "athlete" like scarfing down a box of cake donuts and then not having any energy left over to actually have your tongue circumnavigate the outside of your mouth and remove any excess icing. But everyone loves a future diabetic marmot. Especially the kids.
2 Okay then we have Quatchi who is a sasquatch apparently. He actually kind of looks like the fuzz I pull out of my belly button on a weekly basis. For the record, the fuzz also greets me with a smile and from time to time dons light blue earmuffs. I am thinking a royalty cheque is in order. Old Quatchi also appears to have had ink done. Its an "inukshuk" which is swell because it represents the Inuit population...none of which live closer than 2000km away from Vancouver. We might as well have given him a tattoo of a ten pound Saskatchewan rat or maybe the visage of Anne of Green Gables. Actually now that I think of it there is a good chance I am going out to get all three of those tattoos myself. It would make as much sense as these mascots.
And if someone told you that your Sumi-fueled assumption that the 2010 Olympics were in Africa was incorrect, you can smile in relief, look at this Yeti and remember the great moments from the 2010 Nepal games. Weren't they great.
3 I looked at this Miga thing like 10 times and from different angles before concluding that it was a skunk with irritable bowel syndrome. Something about the squinting face seemed to give that away. Then I skimmed an article and came upon this nugget of info: "According to the mascot creation committee, Miga is a combination of an orca and a bear and was inspired by aboriginal legends "of orca whales that transform into bears when they first arrive on land." Huh? Sorry guys but that could never happen. Hate to burst your bubble. Firstly, whales do not come onto land. If they do come on land, they die a horrible dried out death...not turn into bears. Ask David Suzuki. Or better yet, go and rent "Free Willy". Remember when the orca was out of the water and what did they do? They desperately kept him moist and try to get him back into the water. They didn't sit back, crack a few beers and wait for him to turn into a freaking bear! 'Cause it wasn't gonna happen. Ever.
So I still think it is a skunk that apparently mated with Alfalfa and is moments away from laying a poop on the foot of that sasquatch. Case closed.
I'll conclude with this thought about the Vancouver 2010 mascots. I don't like them. I have been to Vancouver a bunch of times and never saw anything resembling these creatures. They look like Gr. 2 art projects gone awry. Oh well, it can't be as bad as Torino 2006's overly sexy cake donut Timbit and what appears to be a developmentally delayed ice cube/molar. Maybe it's time to just stop with the mascots all together. Before someone physically gets dumber just by looking at them. Someone like me.
What in the hey! I could summarize the stupidity of these mascots in one swift blow but I think its better to break it down one by one.
1 First you have Sumi, who appears to be a fox or a marmot who is also part hawk and who has the hairy feet of a hobbit duck. Is that accurate? And of course why not give him/her/it one of those toques with the 3 points on it that were cool for the month of February 2002 and not ever since. And then lets make the colours around it something really coastal and wintery...like some blues and grays and whites right? Nope, instead they have decided to go with the colour scheme of half of the country flags on the continent of Africa. If the games finish and you look back in ten years and you can't quite remember where the 2010 Olympics were...well this mascot should tell you. I would guess either Mauritania or Niger. Neither is a bad stab. Seriously.
It also appears that Sumi has just consumed a box of delicious cake donuts. I love those. Nothing screams "athlete" like scarfing down a box of cake donuts and then not having any energy left over to actually have your tongue circumnavigate the outside of your mouth and remove any excess icing. But everyone loves a future diabetic marmot. Especially the kids.
2 Okay then we have Quatchi who is a sasquatch apparently. He actually kind of looks like the fuzz I pull out of my belly button on a weekly basis. For the record, the fuzz also greets me with a smile and from time to time dons light blue earmuffs. I am thinking a royalty cheque is in order. Old Quatchi also appears to have had ink done. Its an "inukshuk" which is swell because it represents the Inuit population...none of which live closer than 2000km away from Vancouver. We might as well have given him a tattoo of a ten pound Saskatchewan rat or maybe the visage of Anne of Green Gables. Actually now that I think of it there is a good chance I am going out to get all three of those tattoos myself. It would make as much sense as these mascots.
And if someone told you that your Sumi-fueled assumption that the 2010 Olympics were in Africa was incorrect, you can smile in relief, look at this Yeti and remember the great moments from the 2010 Nepal games. Weren't they great.
3 I looked at this Miga thing like 10 times and from different angles before concluding that it was a skunk with irritable bowel syndrome. Something about the squinting face seemed to give that away. Then I skimmed an article and came upon this nugget of info: "According to the mascot creation committee, Miga is a combination of an orca and a bear and was inspired by aboriginal legends "of orca whales that transform into bears when they first arrive on land." Huh? Sorry guys but that could never happen. Hate to burst your bubble. Firstly, whales do not come onto land. If they do come on land, they die a horrible dried out death...not turn into bears. Ask David Suzuki. Or better yet, go and rent "Free Willy". Remember when the orca was out of the water and what did they do? They desperately kept him moist and try to get him back into the water. They didn't sit back, crack a few beers and wait for him to turn into a freaking bear! 'Cause it wasn't gonna happen. Ever.
So I still think it is a skunk that apparently mated with Alfalfa and is moments away from laying a poop on the foot of that sasquatch. Case closed.
I'll conclude with this thought about the Vancouver 2010 mascots. I don't like them. I have been to Vancouver a bunch of times and never saw anything resembling these creatures. They look like Gr. 2 art projects gone awry. Oh well, it can't be as bad as Torino 2006's overly sexy cake donut Timbit and what appears to be a developmentally delayed ice cube/molar. Maybe it's time to just stop with the mascots all together. Before someone physically gets dumber just by looking at them. Someone like me.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Sean Taylor (1983-2007)
Usually I am itching to get on here to write about someone or something from the world of sports who I want to give a sarcastic spanking and/or face kicking to. Not this time.
By now, I think most people know that Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was killed yesterday at his home when an intruder broke in and shot him smack dab in the femoral artery. After a full day of unconsciousness, Taylor was pronounced dead this morning. For those who never saw Taylor play football you need to go and Youtube some of his hits. I have watched football for many years and have seen very few hit like Taylor. There is a lot of footage of him mercilessly crushing running backs and wide receivers...and punter Brian Moorman on a fake punt...at the Pro Bowl! (Seriously, you must Youtube that one). This year he was leading the NFL in interceptions when he was injured a few weeks back. And he was only 24 years old!
The football side of Sean Taylor was nothing short of spectacular. The other side of Sean Taylor was the opposite. He was a young guy who had a history of run ins with the law highlighted by DUI and weapons convictions. However, there was word that he had recently been cleaning up his life and making positive changes. Like I have written about before, I will reserve any judgments for a good period of time until the whole story emerges. The information I have does not grant me the right to say that Taylor was shot because of his lifestyle. A lifestyle that seemed to embrace the darker sides of life. I don't have the right to make that declaration.
I will however say this. When a fellow teacher told me yesterday that news had come out that a Washington Redskins player had been shot....Sean Taylor immediately came to mind. And thats kind of sad. And a part of me really wanted to go home and find out I was wrong. And that part of me was disappointed to come home and find out I was right. Despite any of the circumstances surrounding his death and the junk that is going to be played up so that newspaper/tv writers can slant his death to voice their own opinions...the fact is this: that a 24 year old man with all the god-given talent anyone in this world could ever want, is dead. And that seems like a tragedy to me.
By now, I think most people know that Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was killed yesterday at his home when an intruder broke in and shot him smack dab in the femoral artery. After a full day of unconsciousness, Taylor was pronounced dead this morning. For those who never saw Taylor play football you need to go and Youtube some of his hits. I have watched football for many years and have seen very few hit like Taylor. There is a lot of footage of him mercilessly crushing running backs and wide receivers...and punter Brian Moorman on a fake punt...at the Pro Bowl! (Seriously, you must Youtube that one). This year he was leading the NFL in interceptions when he was injured a few weeks back. And he was only 24 years old!
The football side of Sean Taylor was nothing short of spectacular. The other side of Sean Taylor was the opposite. He was a young guy who had a history of run ins with the law highlighted by DUI and weapons convictions. However, there was word that he had recently been cleaning up his life and making positive changes. Like I have written about before, I will reserve any judgments for a good period of time until the whole story emerges. The information I have does not grant me the right to say that Taylor was shot because of his lifestyle. A lifestyle that seemed to embrace the darker sides of life. I don't have the right to make that declaration.
I will however say this. When a fellow teacher told me yesterday that news had come out that a Washington Redskins player had been shot....Sean Taylor immediately came to mind. And thats kind of sad. And a part of me really wanted to go home and find out I was wrong. And that part of me was disappointed to come home and find out I was right. Despite any of the circumstances surrounding his death and the junk that is going to be played up so that newspaper/tv writers can slant his death to voice their own opinions...the fact is this: that a 24 year old man with all the god-given talent anyone in this world could ever want, is dead. And that seems like a tragedy to me.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Two and half cent quickies
The extra half cent on this month's quickies reflects our solid Canadian dollar. Enjoy it.
- I would rather poke my eyes out with a rake then re-watch a game like the Raptors-Bulls affair the other night. Apparently Bulls coach Scott Skiles agreed because he benched his starters 3 minutes into the second half and we never saw them again. Which was good...and bad. Because then we had to watch 20 minutes of Sefolosha, Duhon, Nocioni, Khryapa and Gray. And I watched. It was like when you come across a train wreck and you can't turn away. I am guessing however that if a train full of basketballs crashed and there happened to be a hoop sitting near the tracks...more shots would have been made in that situation then by the Bulls. Sefolosha (who hails from the bball hotbed of Switzerland) took about 10 shots and I think 2 hit the rim. And one was a sloppy dunk.
- Great CFL playoff games or so I heard. It seriously has gotten to the point where I would rather watch the Bengals and the Ravens then a CFL playoff game. Shame on me. I did see Troy Westwood with what appeared to be the tail of a lemur sticking out of the back of his helmet come out to kick the winning Bombers field goal. I thought man he's ugly...and then changed the channel before the winning kick. Couldn't miss a mid 2nd quarter Ravens 3 yard run now could I?
- Speaking of the Ravens...its like their QB's are having a contest to "outsuck" each other. McNair seems to have the grip of a 3 year old girl and the fine motor skills of a 3 month old sloth. And Kyle Boller sits on the sidelines waiting for his chance to seemingly come in and try to do worse. Yesterday in relief he threw an interception and actually fumbled while warming up on the sideline. Not even joking. Luckily it was recovered by this fella below...who now has a 60% chance of starting at QB next week against the Browns.
- Players that some people think are good whom I never want to see on my Fantasy Football team: Jon Kitna, Willis McGahee, Steve McNair, Julius Jones, Vincent Jackson, Philip Rivers, Eli Manning, Vince Young, Shaun Alexander. Help you one week and murder you the next.
- My fantasy football team this year (the best I've had in a while): McNabb and D. Anderson, Westbrook and Jones-Drew, Colston, Edwards, Fitzgerald, Winslow, Josh Brown and the Ravens/Vikings D. Nice. Needless to say I have become way more interested in Cleveland Browns football than ever before.
- Remembrance Day is a good thing. But c'mon there has to be a better singer in the army, navy, air force, coast guard, or the national war cemetary then the guy who sang the anthems at the Canucks game the other night. Nothing honours the country more than racing through the national anthem in a key only dogs can hear.
Thats all I got this time. Hopefully by next month we will be up to three cent quickies.
- I am cheering for Kansas or Oregon to win the NCAA football championship. Oregon because I really like the way their field and jerseys look. And Kansas because again the jerseys are spiffy and their coach is Mark Mangino. If you haven't seen Mangino I would describe him as the love child of golfer Craig Stadler and "the Penguin" when played by Danny DeVito in the Batman movies. Can't wrap your brain around that one? Maybe this will help. Fun! And don't think I am taking shots at him, because the Jayhawks are 9-0 and this is Kansas football! Not Kansas State.
- I would rather poke my eyes out with a rake then re-watch a game like the Raptors-Bulls affair the other night. Apparently Bulls coach Scott Skiles agreed because he benched his starters 3 minutes into the second half and we never saw them again. Which was good...and bad. Because then we had to watch 20 minutes of Sefolosha, Duhon, Nocioni, Khryapa and Gray. And I watched. It was like when you come across a train wreck and you can't turn away. I am guessing however that if a train full of basketballs crashed and there happened to be a hoop sitting near the tracks...more shots would have been made in that situation then by the Bulls. Sefolosha (who hails from the bball hotbed of Switzerland) took about 10 shots and I think 2 hit the rim. And one was a sloppy dunk.- Great CFL playoff games or so I heard. It seriously has gotten to the point where I would rather watch the Bengals and the Ravens then a CFL playoff game. Shame on me. I did see Troy Westwood with what appeared to be the tail of a lemur sticking out of the back of his helmet come out to kick the winning Bombers field goal. I thought man he's ugly...and then changed the channel before the winning kick. Couldn't miss a mid 2nd quarter Ravens 3 yard run now could I?
- Speaking of the Ravens...its like their QB's are having a contest to "outsuck" each other. McNair seems to have the grip of a 3 year old girl and the fine motor skills of a 3 month old sloth. And Kyle Boller sits on the sidelines waiting for his chance to seemingly come in and try to do worse. Yesterday in relief he threw an interception and actually fumbled while warming up on the sideline. Not even joking. Luckily it was recovered by this fella below...who now has a 60% chance of starting at QB next week against the Browns.
- Players that some people think are good whom I never want to see on my Fantasy Football team: Jon Kitna, Willis McGahee, Steve McNair, Julius Jones, Vincent Jackson, Philip Rivers, Eli Manning, Vince Young, Shaun Alexander. Help you one week and murder you the next.
- My fantasy football team this year (the best I've had in a while): McNabb and D. Anderson, Westbrook and Jones-Drew, Colston, Edwards, Fitzgerald, Winslow, Josh Brown and the Ravens/Vikings D. Nice. Needless to say I have become way more interested in Cleveland Browns football than ever before.
- Remembrance Day is a good thing. But c'mon there has to be a better singer in the army, navy, air force, coast guard, or the national war cemetary then the guy who sang the anthems at the Canucks game the other night. Nothing honours the country more than racing through the national anthem in a key only dogs can hear.
Thats all I got this time. Hopefully by next month we will be up to three cent quickies.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
50 Things You Will Never Hear Me Say
Here they are. 50 things you will never, ever hear me say:
50. Pretty sure Alex Ovechkin has low self-esteem.
49. If I could be any NBA player I would probably be Kwame Brown.
48. That Vikings quarterback sure lit it up on Sunday.
47. Bob Huggins sure looks a lot more pleasant now that he is coaching at Kansas State. I'll bet he's solved all those alcohol problems too.
46. Of course poker is a sport.
45. Those new San Jose Sharks jerseys are really an upgrade.
46. I miss Rex Grossman.
45. Hey guys I know I won...but I sure would like to be kicked out of the Tasty Mill NFL pool next year.
44. Excuse me Mr. Smoot, when are you organizing the next boat cruise and is there anything I can bring?
43. I went and saw Tom Coughlin's new stand up comedy routine and it was superb.
42. Celine Dion is overrated...wait, what?
41. We're going out for the night, can you phone up Britney and see if she can babysit?
40. Shawn Kemp is only the father of 2 of my children.
39. Boy on TV, it sure looks like Cleveland would be a nice place to live.
38. Holy Hemsky, pass the dang puck!
37. Mark Chan sure does look good in that sweater vest. (just kidding I didn't see it...I'm sure you were smoldering)
36. I hired Shaq to teach me how to shoot free throws. Also, really waiting for his next movie to come out. I'm totally getting Kazaam on Blu-Ray.
35. I wish I didn't have a spine because then I could be more bendy.
34. That Boyz 2 Men rendition of "God Bless of America" in game 2 of the World Series didn't make my ears bleed.
33. I'm going to go bet my life savings and my wife on Gabe Morency's lock that the Redskins will stay within 16 of the Patriots. After all, there's no real chance they could lose by 45 points. LOCK!
32. I would feel better if I got rid of some of these internal organs that are weighing me down. Starting with my spleen.
31. Next year the NFL should hold its showcase international game in Bangladesh.
30. I sure hope A-Rod gets the kind of money in this next contract that he deserves.
29. We really need to take a road trip down and watch a Tampa Bay Devil Rays weekend series.
28. I usually don't get excited about the MLB season until around game 148.
27. I could beat Tiger Woods in 18 hole stroke play if he let me hit from the ladies tees.
26. Netball is so fun.
25. I am truly sorry for that thing I did early one spring morning in Simms, Montana.
24. Got my front row seats for the Red Sox victory parade!
23. The East German women's swim team was way better looking back in the 1980's.
22. This summer holidays we are thinking of either going to Uzbekistan or Burkina Faso.
21. Where's a spatula when you need one?
20. If I get a second life I want to come back as a cantaloupe. Or Kwame Brown.
19. College football doesn't need a playoff system...I like watching my team play Southeast North Carolina Valley State University in the Intel Insight Computers Bowl live from Rock Springs, Wyoming.
18. I can't wait until the World Junior Hockey Championships start.
17. Raffi Torre's facial hair isn't that bad.
16. Did you see Dikembe Mutombo's crossover last night? Breaking ankles!
15. Chad Johnson needs to talk about himself more.
14. The Portland Trailblazers are role models for young people everywhere.
13. My favourite drink is probably acid rain.
12. If I was to injure any part of my body, I would hope that it was my eye.
11. Sure wish I could take that university dance class over and over again.
10. I can't wait until our mid-January basketball road trip to Bashaw.
9. Remember that time Buffalo Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk got his head skated over...sports needs more feel good moments like that.
8. I don't even mind having a tapeworm living inside me.
7. Hey guys, I rented a 1984 Ford Taurus for us to ride around in at Grad
6. Can John Madden explain that to me again?
5. How can I get a New England accent. I especially like when they say "Chowda!"
4. What are we watching tonight: "Spiceworld" or "Crossroads" (or "Josie and the Pussycats" Ha!)
3. I'm going to donate to one of Barry Bonds' charities.
2. Hey Mark, Aaron might look good in that sweater vest.
1. I like Kobe
50. Pretty sure Alex Ovechkin has low self-esteem.
49. If I could be any NBA player I would probably be Kwame Brown.
48. That Vikings quarterback sure lit it up on Sunday.
47. Bob Huggins sure looks a lot more pleasant now that he is coaching at Kansas State. I'll bet he's solved all those alcohol problems too.
46. Of course poker is a sport.
45. Those new San Jose Sharks jerseys are really an upgrade.
46. I miss Rex Grossman.
45. Hey guys I know I won...but I sure would like to be kicked out of the Tasty Mill NFL pool next year.
44. Excuse me Mr. Smoot, when are you organizing the next boat cruise and is there anything I can bring?
43. I went and saw Tom Coughlin's new stand up comedy routine and it was superb.
42. Celine Dion is overrated...wait, what?
41. We're going out for the night, can you phone up Britney and see if she can babysit?
40. Shawn Kemp is only the father of 2 of my children.
39. Boy on TV, it sure looks like Cleveland would be a nice place to live.
38. Holy Hemsky, pass the dang puck!
37. Mark Chan sure does look good in that sweater vest. (just kidding I didn't see it...I'm sure you were smoldering)
36. I hired Shaq to teach me how to shoot free throws. Also, really waiting for his next movie to come out. I'm totally getting Kazaam on Blu-Ray.
35. I wish I didn't have a spine because then I could be more bendy.
34. That Boyz 2 Men rendition of "God Bless of America" in game 2 of the World Series didn't make my ears bleed.
33. I'm going to go bet my life savings and my wife on Gabe Morency's lock that the Redskins will stay within 16 of the Patriots. After all, there's no real chance they could lose by 45 points. LOCK!
32. I would feel better if I got rid of some of these internal organs that are weighing me down. Starting with my spleen.
31. Next year the NFL should hold its showcase international game in Bangladesh.
30. I sure hope A-Rod gets the kind of money in this next contract that he deserves.
29. We really need to take a road trip down and watch a Tampa Bay Devil Rays weekend series.
28. I usually don't get excited about the MLB season until around game 148.
27. I could beat Tiger Woods in 18 hole stroke play if he let me hit from the ladies tees.
26. Netball is so fun.
25. I am truly sorry for that thing I did early one spring morning in Simms, Montana.
24. Got my front row seats for the Red Sox victory parade!
23. The East German women's swim team was way better looking back in the 1980's.
22. This summer holidays we are thinking of either going to Uzbekistan or Burkina Faso.
21. Where's a spatula when you need one?
20. If I get a second life I want to come back as a cantaloupe. Or Kwame Brown.
19. College football doesn't need a playoff system...I like watching my team play Southeast North Carolina Valley State University in the Intel Insight Computers Bowl live from Rock Springs, Wyoming.
18. I can't wait until the World Junior Hockey Championships start.
17. Raffi Torre's facial hair isn't that bad.
16. Did you see Dikembe Mutombo's crossover last night? Breaking ankles!
15. Chad Johnson needs to talk about himself more.
14. The Portland Trailblazers are role models for young people everywhere.
13. My favourite drink is probably acid rain.
12. If I was to injure any part of my body, I would hope that it was my eye.
11. Sure wish I could take that university dance class over and over again.
10. I can't wait until our mid-January basketball road trip to Bashaw.
9. Remember that time Buffalo Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk got his head skated over...sports needs more feel good moments like that.
8. I don't even mind having a tapeworm living inside me.
7. Hey guys, I rented a 1984 Ford Taurus for us to ride around in at Grad
6. Can John Madden explain that to me again?
5. How can I get a New England accent. I especially like when they say "Chowda!"
4. What are we watching tonight: "Spiceworld" or "Crossroads" (or "Josie and the Pussycats" Ha!)
3. I'm going to donate to one of Barry Bonds' charities.
2. Hey Mark, Aaron might look good in that sweater vest.
1. I like Kobe
Sunday, October 21, 2007
The worst people on Earth...
The worst people on Earth are the people wearing the Hamilton Ti-Cats jerseys this year. I don't know who they are or what they smoke before they go out there (I assume it is a hullicinogen, it has to be) but they are horrible people. Horrible people who suck at what they do and who I believe actually try to shorten the lives of their teammates on occasion as well. See Brock Ralph's near decapitation today at the hand of a Casey Printers lob. If this sounds familiar, its because this has happened to Ralph before. But last time it was in T.O. with Timmy Chang at the helm. Why do they hate themselves, each other and me oh so very much?
Actually, those are maybe the second worst people on Earth these days. The worst are the so-called sports prognosticaters who predict the outcomes in the world of sports. I am getting really sick of some dude coming on to my tv and pretending he is the allknowing, omnipotent lord of sports predictions. Most end up coming across as the no-knowing, impotent garbage minion of sports predictions. I hate them. Two examples for you:
1) That Gabe guy that shows up way too frequently on the Score to give his garbage advice and look like a raging arse. Nice outfit Gabe...can't imagine all the kids out there who will see you and rush out to buy a sports jacket and a backwards sports cap...and wear them together. He reminds me of the guy who is destined to flunk out of school by the end of junior high and who you have a huge urge to pound in the face but realize that the forces of natural selection are going to do the deed for you. And thus you won't hurt your hand.
I particularly like his "Locks" of the week segment. If you don't know, a lock is a pick that is a sure thing. Done deal. You win. So far Gabe is 10-8 on his locks of the week. And that my friends is putrid. If you went to the Score website last week and checked his lock you would have seen him picking the Houston Texans to win in Jacksonville. Oooh....how'd that go? The Jags snot-kicked the Texans 37-17 and it was worse except for some late Texans garbage points. So if you bet the house and the car and your kids on the game last week based on that "lock", you are now cold, going out to buy a bus pass and awfully lonely. If you kept the kids out of the bet there is a good chance that you and they are now surviving by eating each other's toenails and licking the sweat out from behind your own kneecaps to survive. Not a pretty picture...I didn't say it was going to be. BUT GABE FRICKIN' DID!
2) There was this guy who came on my tv the other day on some random channel who called himself the "Moz" or the "Boz" or some such crap. Real name was Bob Mozowski or Mob Bozkowski...don't know, don't care. He was at least 45 years old, 70 pounds overweight, battling a visible case of the meat sweats and yet quite obviously a sports guru. All three picks he gave me were trash but he announced them like they were truth etched in stone. And then he left the tv studio. Guessing he went back to the basement of his mom and pops house and lathered himself in butter, popped in a copy of Britney Spears in "Crossroads", replayed the part where she dances in her undies over and over about 14 times, grunted and then played Dungeons and Dragons on his computer until well about 5 minutes ago. I'm thinking my prediction of his life is likely better then the predictions he gave me about three sporting contests.
Being a good sports predictor boils down to a little bit of knowledge and a buttload of luck. I can't stand the people who build themselves up as prophets when they get a couple of sports predictions right. Last year, I was 1st the entire country in the Sportsnet hockey pool...for one day. And then it was gone and it never came back. Because my luck went away. My knowledge didn't, but my luck did. So do me a favour. If you are an egocentric, uneducated sports predicting dong... don't come on my tv and give me your "lock" picks. I don't care and I will just develop a little ball of hate for you and store it in my belly where it will rest against my soul. And their will be osmosis and it will eventually permeate said soul. And then watch out.
You are thinking, wow...so much anger. Yes, it peeves me. So don't do it. The only exception might be if you are going to tell me to find the team thats playing the Ti-Cats any given week and bet all I have on them. Now that might be as close to a lock as you are going to get. That and I have this feeling Germany is gearing up to make another run at Poland. I feel it in my bones. Not yet a lock, but for betting purposes I'll let you know when I feel it is imminent.
Actually, those are maybe the second worst people on Earth these days. The worst are the so-called sports prognosticaters who predict the outcomes in the world of sports. I am getting really sick of some dude coming on to my tv and pretending he is the allknowing, omnipotent lord of sports predictions. Most end up coming across as the no-knowing, impotent garbage minion of sports predictions. I hate them. Two examples for you:
1) That Gabe guy that shows up way too frequently on the Score to give his garbage advice and look like a raging arse. Nice outfit Gabe...can't imagine all the kids out there who will see you and rush out to buy a sports jacket and a backwards sports cap...and wear them together. He reminds me of the guy who is destined to flunk out of school by the end of junior high and who you have a huge urge to pound in the face but realize that the forces of natural selection are going to do the deed for you. And thus you won't hurt your hand.
I particularly like his "Locks" of the week segment. If you don't know, a lock is a pick that is a sure thing. Done deal. You win. So far Gabe is 10-8 on his locks of the week. And that my friends is putrid. If you went to the Score website last week and checked his lock you would have seen him picking the Houston Texans to win in Jacksonville. Oooh....how'd that go? The Jags snot-kicked the Texans 37-17 and it was worse except for some late Texans garbage points. So if you bet the house and the car and your kids on the game last week based on that "lock", you are now cold, going out to buy a bus pass and awfully lonely. If you kept the kids out of the bet there is a good chance that you and they are now surviving by eating each other's toenails and licking the sweat out from behind your own kneecaps to survive. Not a pretty picture...I didn't say it was going to be. BUT GABE FRICKIN' DID!
2) There was this guy who came on my tv the other day on some random channel who called himself the "Moz" or the "Boz" or some such crap. Real name was Bob Mozowski or Mob Bozkowski...don't know, don't care. He was at least 45 years old, 70 pounds overweight, battling a visible case of the meat sweats and yet quite obviously a sports guru. All three picks he gave me were trash but he announced them like they were truth etched in stone. And then he left the tv studio. Guessing he went back to the basement of his mom and pops house and lathered himself in butter, popped in a copy of Britney Spears in "Crossroads", replayed the part where she dances in her undies over and over about 14 times, grunted and then played Dungeons and Dragons on his computer until well about 5 minutes ago. I'm thinking my prediction of his life is likely better then the predictions he gave me about three sporting contests.
Being a good sports predictor boils down to a little bit of knowledge and a buttload of luck. I can't stand the people who build themselves up as prophets when they get a couple of sports predictions right. Last year, I was 1st the entire country in the Sportsnet hockey pool...for one day. And then it was gone and it never came back. Because my luck went away. My knowledge didn't, but my luck did. So do me a favour. If you are an egocentric, uneducated sports predicting dong... don't come on my tv and give me your "lock" picks. I don't care and I will just develop a little ball of hate for you and store it in my belly where it will rest against my soul. And their will be osmosis and it will eventually permeate said soul. And then watch out.
You are thinking, wow...so much anger. Yes, it peeves me. So don't do it. The only exception might be if you are going to tell me to find the team thats playing the Ti-Cats any given week and bet all I have on them. Now that might be as close to a lock as you are going to get. That and I have this feeling Germany is gearing up to make another run at Poland. I feel it in my bones. Not yet a lock, but for betting purposes I'll let you know when I feel it is imminent.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Two cent quickies
Second edition of the two cent quickies. For newcomers, this does not refer to some shady deal that goes down in a dimly lit Amsterdam alley. If you were looking for that blog, it is elsewhere.
I love this time of year. As the leaves fall off the trees and bonk me on my tall German forehead, the sports world awakens from its hibernation. And not a moment too soon. Summertime is the Siberia of the sports season. If you are a sports fan you actually feel like you have been sent to a gulag east of Omsk to work your knuckles to the bone. The only positive of that would be that I am sure they don't get satellite in the gulag and hence there is no way you could be exposed to the WNBA. Or Arena football. Shiver.
Some recently noted nuggets from the world of sports:
1) When that Rockies-Padres tiebreaker game went to extra innings last night, things were tense. In the 11th inning, Rockies shortstop Kaz Matsui came up to bat. One of the announcers apparently had termites in his trousers because all the sudden he got downright giddy. Quote: "watch out this guy has some pop in his bat"!! Then he went on to mention Kaz's 4 home runs on the season...in 164 games! A circus midget wielding a pussy willow twiglet could thwack at least 5. Wow. I bet if you go to that sportscaster's apartment you very well might find it covered in Kaz posters and find a life sized Kaz hair doll occupying the spot on the other side of his bed. Thats the only explanation I can think of.
2) I bruised my spleen laughing last week when I heard Ti-Cats coach Charlie Taaffe say that they were not mathematically eliminated yet. Umm...we are 2-11. Thats like saying that this guy is not mathematically eliminated from dating Jessica Biel. Oh and for the record...he is!
Sad sidenote: pretty sure I owned that shirt somewhere around grade 10. Wait is that me?
4) Presidents Cup golf recap. The US team won the cup. Mike Weir beat Tiger Woods in a match. And if you watched any of it...you really need a life. And i hate you.
5) Happy to see that Mason Raymond made the Canucks. Hope he plays with the Sedins. The Canucks seem to finally have figured out that guys who can score should stay up and play on the team. This kid can score. Now just waiting for that gloomy day in December when they decide Raymond could use more ice time in the minors and Mike Brown and his figure skates show back up in Vancouver. Guy skates like he has toe picks on both the front and back of his skates.
By the way the Phoenix Mercury are WNBA champions. Thats swell. Cappie Pondexter was their leading scorer. Pretty sure i knew a Cappie Pondexter once...but he was a well educated lobster fisherman so I'm not sure it was the same person. Either way, have a good offseason WNBA. And please make sure not to call me when you resume play.
I love this time of year. As the leaves fall off the trees and bonk me on my tall German forehead, the sports world awakens from its hibernation. And not a moment too soon. Summertime is the Siberia of the sports season. If you are a sports fan you actually feel like you have been sent to a gulag east of Omsk to work your knuckles to the bone. The only positive of that would be that I am sure they don't get satellite in the gulag and hence there is no way you could be exposed to the WNBA. Or Arena football. Shiver.
Some recently noted nuggets from the world of sports:
1) When that Rockies-Padres tiebreaker game went to extra innings last night, things were tense. In the 11th inning, Rockies shortstop Kaz Matsui came up to bat. One of the announcers apparently had termites in his trousers because all the sudden he got downright giddy. Quote: "watch out this guy has some pop in his bat"!! Then he went on to mention Kaz's 4 home runs on the season...in 164 games! A circus midget wielding a pussy willow twiglet could thwack at least 5. Wow. I bet if you go to that sportscaster's apartment you very well might find it covered in Kaz posters and find a life sized Kaz hair doll occupying the spot on the other side of his bed. Thats the only explanation I can think of.
2) I bruised my spleen laughing last week when I heard Ti-Cats coach Charlie Taaffe say that they were not mathematically eliminated yet. Umm...we are 2-11. Thats like saying that this guy is not mathematically eliminated from dating Jessica Biel. Oh and for the record...he is!
Sad sidenote: pretty sure I owned that shirt somewhere around grade 10. Wait is that me?
4) Presidents Cup golf recap. The US team won the cup. Mike Weir beat Tiger Woods in a match. And if you watched any of it...you really need a life. And i hate you.
5) Happy to see that Mason Raymond made the Canucks. Hope he plays with the Sedins. The Canucks seem to finally have figured out that guys who can score should stay up and play on the team. This kid can score. Now just waiting for that gloomy day in December when they decide Raymond could use more ice time in the minors and Mike Brown and his figure skates show back up in Vancouver. Guy skates like he has toe picks on both the front and back of his skates.
By the way the Phoenix Mercury are WNBA champions. Thats swell. Cappie Pondexter was their leading scorer. Pretty sure i knew a Cappie Pondexter once...but he was a well educated lobster fisherman so I'm not sure it was the same person. Either way, have a good offseason WNBA. And please make sure not to call me when you resume play.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Seahawks-Bengals NFL weekend
Well where to start. My friend Greg had 2 tickets to see the Cincinnati Bengals-Seattle Seahawks game this last weekend in Seattle. He told me about this a while ago and then I hummed and hawed and hummed again until finally I decided to go. Or rather, my lovely wife gave me permission. She's a peach. This is how it unfolded...chronologically...just because I wanted to write the word chronologically. Ergo:
5:30 am- The alarm clock wakes me at my aunts place in Wetaskiwin. I curse my birth and pull myself out of bed. She is up and gives me a bag of food and drinks on my way out the door. That lady never ceases to amaze me. She is good people.
6:30am- I am at the Edmonton International Airport parking my car under a giant number 3 so that I remember where it is when I get back. The car looks shiny under the 3. No way I can forget where I parked. (Umm...two nights later I find myself wondering where the car is as I scour around under a giant number 2. Yep. Single digit numbers here people.) Greg picks me up and we are on our way.
10:00am- We hit BC and sight a black bear lumbering along a river off the roadside. I get a pic. Only animal we see the whole way. Sadly I will run over more animals on the 2 hour drive home from the airport on the way back...one porcupine and what appeared to be the remains of siamese twin skunks. Attached at the belly button. No lie.
10:00am-2pm: We wind our way through the middle of BC which is the direct opposite of the landscape of Saskatchewan. The only thing they have in common is that I would watch a senior citizens kissing contest than driving through either.
2pm: Kamloops. Each year I keep saying I am not going to go west for a holiday and somehow each year I see the city of Kamloops. It fails to thrill me every time. If I ever feel the need to live on the side of a burnt hill or in a valley surrounded by burnt hills that very well could be the surface of Neptune, I will move here. Until then...I will not.
3pm: Merritt, BC. Someone needs to tell Keith Urban that his face is on the welcome to Merritt sign. That has to be a copyright infringement. And there was also a picture of Reba McEntire in which she looked about 10 years younger and 20 years better looking. She looked good. And in real life she kinda has a face like an airport windsock. That has to be an enfringement of some kind as well. Maybe of my emotions.
Also, we get gas and I walk in and there is some dude...no wait its a girl...with facial hair? is that what that is?...nope its a dude working the counter. Friendly fella but some real gender role issues at work here. Name tag says "Jimbx". Huh? Was it supposed to be Jimbo? I go back to the car with my Nibs and Greg comes back with the same puzzled look in his face. We were gonna prick his finger for DNA but dangit we had a schedule to keep. I'm sure I got some of his airborne epithelials on me somehow so maybe I need to make some time to find them and check'em out.
5pm: The US border at Sumas, Washington. Light flow...this should be easy. Wrong. We get to the border guard and he asks us our business and when we were last in the US. I say 3 years ago! (why i said this i have no clue). Then I correct it and say I was through this summer on the way to New Zealand. He looks unimpressed and we spend the next 20 minutes pulled over while some dude checks out our papers and we make snide comments about the inside of the customs office. We are cleared and as we are led out a little old lady is pulled off a tour bus and ushered inside. Definitely fits the Al Qaeda profile. God bless the USA and there anal retentive nature. We are in.
**Two miles past the border I realize that we had gone to Spokane last summer as well. Thats right...I am dumb**
6pm: We are at the mall in Bellingham, WA buying stuff with our good Canadian dollar and listening to non-educated US folk talk to their children in accents that remind one of a multiple concussion recipient. I look at the kid and instantly name him Jeb in my mind. Good luck in life little fella.
9pm: Done shopping and we thanks to a cancellation we get a nice Best Western hotel room almost by accident. Everything is full down the coast. Even the little motel across the street with the flickering lights and crime ridden come-hither look is full. How? I would rather sleep in a shopping cart. Being spooned by a hobo. On both sides. The KFC experience down the street is a gong show as well...I think they were making my Big Crunch in a black hole using the CanadaArm.
Oh ya the next day we went to a football game. If you want to see pics check out my Facebook page or call my secretary and I will email them to you. It was an awesome experience. Greg, I and 70000 of our new friends. Well maybe not all of them. There was a guy who wore a suit with Seahawk logos all over it. Pants, shirt, jacket, and cap. Very nice. There was "Moose"...the guy who brought his kid to the game and ditched him with some buddies 5 rows up and then went to sit with his buddies and drank too much and who we are sure will cause "Little Moose" a lifetime of resentment. Or the guy who asked the crowd in front of him who asked politely if the people standing in front of him could sit down so he could see. They said no. And then after the Bengals took a false start penalty because of too much noise, one guy yelled up at him "that's why we don't sit down!!!". Word. When the 'Hawks are on D everyone stands. Everyone. Or you don't get to see...thats the formula, deal with it. Finally, in our section there were 2 guys who bet on the game. The wager...one guys Bengals hat for the others Seahawks jersey. When the game was out of reach the Bengals cap was turned over and the winner did the sportsmanlike thing...and tried to set it on fire. I mean he really tried, but the thing would not burn. So if I learned one thing this weekend its to wear a Bengals cap on all plane flights because if the plane crashes and burns at least they will find my head. And thats important to me.
All in all it was awesome. Thanks to the people who made it possible. I got back at 4am and taught that very morning in a comatose stupor but it was worth it. I vaguely remember a grade 7 kid asking me not to drool on his collage. But i would do it again in a heartbeat. And isn't it ironic that as I rolled home from my first NFL experience under a big Alberta moon...I had a big smile on my face, some tunes in the player and dead animals on my tires. Michael Vick would have approved.
5:30 am- The alarm clock wakes me at my aunts place in Wetaskiwin. I curse my birth and pull myself out of bed. She is up and gives me a bag of food and drinks on my way out the door. That lady never ceases to amaze me. She is good people.
6:30am- I am at the Edmonton International Airport parking my car under a giant number 3 so that I remember where it is when I get back. The car looks shiny under the 3. No way I can forget where I parked. (Umm...two nights later I find myself wondering where the car is as I scour around under a giant number 2. Yep. Single digit numbers here people.) Greg picks me up and we are on our way.
10:00am- We hit BC and sight a black bear lumbering along a river off the roadside. I get a pic. Only animal we see the whole way. Sadly I will run over more animals on the 2 hour drive home from the airport on the way back...one porcupine and what appeared to be the remains of siamese twin skunks. Attached at the belly button. No lie.
10:00am-2pm: We wind our way through the middle of BC which is the direct opposite of the landscape of Saskatchewan. The only thing they have in common is that I would watch a senior citizens kissing contest than driving through either.
2pm: Kamloops. Each year I keep saying I am not going to go west for a holiday and somehow each year I see the city of Kamloops. It fails to thrill me every time. If I ever feel the need to live on the side of a burnt hill or in a valley surrounded by burnt hills that very well could be the surface of Neptune, I will move here. Until then...I will not.
3pm: Merritt, BC. Someone needs to tell Keith Urban that his face is on the welcome to Merritt sign. That has to be a copyright infringement. And there was also a picture of Reba McEntire in which she looked about 10 years younger and 20 years better looking. She looked good. And in real life she kinda has a face like an airport windsock. That has to be an enfringement of some kind as well. Maybe of my emotions.
Also, we get gas and I walk in and there is some dude...no wait its a girl...with facial hair? is that what that is?...nope its a dude working the counter. Friendly fella but some real gender role issues at work here. Name tag says "Jimbx". Huh? Was it supposed to be Jimbo? I go back to the car with my Nibs and Greg comes back with the same puzzled look in his face. We were gonna prick his finger for DNA but dangit we had a schedule to keep. I'm sure I got some of his airborne epithelials on me somehow so maybe I need to make some time to find them and check'em out.
5pm: The US border at Sumas, Washington. Light flow...this should be easy. Wrong. We get to the border guard and he asks us our business and when we were last in the US. I say 3 years ago! (why i said this i have no clue). Then I correct it and say I was through this summer on the way to New Zealand. He looks unimpressed and we spend the next 20 minutes pulled over while some dude checks out our papers and we make snide comments about the inside of the customs office. We are cleared and as we are led out a little old lady is pulled off a tour bus and ushered inside. Definitely fits the Al Qaeda profile. God bless the USA and there anal retentive nature. We are in.
**Two miles past the border I realize that we had gone to Spokane last summer as well. Thats right...I am dumb**
6pm: We are at the mall in Bellingham, WA buying stuff with our good Canadian dollar and listening to non-educated US folk talk to their children in accents that remind one of a multiple concussion recipient. I look at the kid and instantly name him Jeb in my mind. Good luck in life little fella.
9pm: Done shopping and we thanks to a cancellation we get a nice Best Western hotel room almost by accident. Everything is full down the coast. Even the little motel across the street with the flickering lights and crime ridden come-hither look is full. How? I would rather sleep in a shopping cart. Being spooned by a hobo. On both sides. The KFC experience down the street is a gong show as well...I think they were making my Big Crunch in a black hole using the CanadaArm.
Oh ya the next day we went to a football game. If you want to see pics check out my Facebook page or call my secretary and I will email them to you. It was an awesome experience. Greg, I and 70000 of our new friends. Well maybe not all of them. There was a guy who wore a suit with Seahawk logos all over it. Pants, shirt, jacket, and cap. Very nice. There was "Moose"...the guy who brought his kid to the game and ditched him with some buddies 5 rows up and then went to sit with his buddies and drank too much and who we are sure will cause "Little Moose" a lifetime of resentment. Or the guy who asked the crowd in front of him who asked politely if the people standing in front of him could sit down so he could see. They said no. And then after the Bengals took a false start penalty because of too much noise, one guy yelled up at him "that's why we don't sit down!!!". Word. When the 'Hawks are on D everyone stands. Everyone. Or you don't get to see...thats the formula, deal with it. Finally, in our section there were 2 guys who bet on the game. The wager...one guys Bengals hat for the others Seahawks jersey. When the game was out of reach the Bengals cap was turned over and the winner did the sportsmanlike thing...and tried to set it on fire. I mean he really tried, but the thing would not burn. So if I learned one thing this weekend its to wear a Bengals cap on all plane flights because if the plane crashes and burns at least they will find my head. And thats important to me.
All in all it was awesome. Thanks to the people who made it possible. I got back at 4am and taught that very morning in a comatose stupor but it was worth it. I vaguely remember a grade 7 kid asking me not to drool on his collage. But i would do it again in a heartbeat. And isn't it ironic that as I rolled home from my first NFL experience under a big Alberta moon...I had a big smile on my face, some tunes in the player and dead animals on my tires. Michael Vick would have approved.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Oh that Canadian soccer
Last night I was looking for something to kill some time when I realized that there was a Canada-Costa Rica international friendly on the tube. Now I have been a Canada mens soccer fan for many years now (no really...stop laughing) so this appealed to me as a good way to spend 2 hours. It was a good game ending 1-1 although it probably should have been 4-1 Canada. As all Central Americans do, the Costa Ricans spent most of the game rolling all over the ground, complaining and wasting time. I really wish Canada could be considered part of a region other than CONCACAF so we don't have to play all these muppets in order to qualify for the World Cup. Speaking of muppets...I am pretty sure if Bert and Ernie put in a resume to CONCACAF they would be shoo-ins to ref the World Cup qualifiers. Only in CONCACAF. Maybe the motto should be "CONCACAF: Where Jim Henson's creations find their worth".
Costa Rica's loser of the night was a striker named Nunez who must have spent 15 minutes lying on the ground for a variety of bogus injuries. Lets just say if he was a horse and the farmer had a shotgun...Except I have never seen a horse go deathly lame and then when the farmer shows up with the gun, he hops up and sprints to the sideline and then yells at the farmer from the edge of the corral to come back in and join the other horses. Sick, sick, sick. I was kind of hoping that Adrian Serioux or Iain Hume would lose their marbles (both are capable) and kung fu kick Nunez right out of BMO field. And then maybe escort Costa Rican coach Medford out for breaking the rules against coaches trying to impersonate characters from "Grease". I would be that angry too if I had to wear that jacket.
Here is the good news though. Canada is getting better!! Players such as DeRosario, Hutchinson, and de Guzman are of the quality we usually never put on the field. Gerba, Hume, Stalteri, and Bernier seem solid as well. It was also nice to see Lars Hirschfeld back in the nets. It would be nicer to see Craig Forrest back in there (I bet he could still play) but some youth in goal is nice. We have a chance to be in the 1010 World Cup in South Africa. Some new skill, some luck and maybe a couple of referees who aren't the guy from last night or the one who screwed us against the USA in this years Gold Cup in Chicago. Maybe even if we get one of the smarter Muppets (say...Kermit) as a ref we might be okay. Here's hoping!
Costa Rica's loser of the night was a striker named Nunez who must have spent 15 minutes lying on the ground for a variety of bogus injuries. Lets just say if he was a horse and the farmer had a shotgun...Except I have never seen a horse go deathly lame and then when the farmer shows up with the gun, he hops up and sprints to the sideline and then yells at the farmer from the edge of the corral to come back in and join the other horses. Sick, sick, sick. I was kind of hoping that Adrian Serioux or Iain Hume would lose their marbles (both are capable) and kung fu kick Nunez right out of BMO field. And then maybe escort Costa Rican coach Medford out for breaking the rules against coaches trying to impersonate characters from "Grease". I would be that angry too if I had to wear that jacket.
Here is the good news though. Canada is getting better!! Players such as DeRosario, Hutchinson, and de Guzman are of the quality we usually never put on the field. Gerba, Hume, Stalteri, and Bernier seem solid as well. It was also nice to see Lars Hirschfeld back in the nets. It would be nicer to see Craig Forrest back in there (I bet he could still play) but some youth in goal is nice. We have a chance to be in the 1010 World Cup in South Africa. Some new skill, some luck and maybe a couple of referees who aren't the guy from last night or the one who screwed us against the USA in this years Gold Cup in Chicago. Maybe even if we get one of the smarter Muppets (say...Kermit) as a ref we might be okay. Here's hoping!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Casey at the bat
Being a Hamilton Ti-Cats fan is usually something to be ashamed of. This year is no different. It sucks when your team is usually theoretically, if not mathematically, out of playoff contention each year before the calender even hits September. I have watched enough of their garbage efforts this year to know that there was no light at the end of the tunnel in the near future.
Why? The quarterbacks suck. Jason Maas has had 2 years to prove himself worthy of being a starter here. What he has proven is that he may be to quarterbacking as Paris Hilton is to singing or acting or not being a whore-ing. Maybe Timmy Chang, the stud QB out of Hawaii, was going to be the answer if given some time. No. Through two starts he just chucked interceptions time after time, and nearly got Brock Ralph guillotined today against the Argos.
But in the last few days we have a reason to hope. Former CFL MVP Casey Printers has signed on to QB the Ti-Cats after being let go by the Kansas City Chiefs in the NFL. I believe he will help. I believe that because I have to. Actually, I think had Printers played today against the Argos...we would have won. Coach Taaffe said he couldn't play Printers yet because he did not know the offense. Ummm...I've been watching this year coach and NOBODY KNOWS THE OFFENSE!! You could toss a cyclops squirrel wearing a skirt in at QB and he/she could do no worse. To give up on the season with half the dang games left is retarded. Play Printers...PERIOD! If I don't see him in there next week, its going to take an army of cyclops squirrels in full armour to protect Coach Taaffe from me. With Printers in the lineup I bet we go 5-2 to end the year. Mark that down.
So far my best Ti-Cat highlight of the year was when I spent July in New Zealand and did not have access to watch their first 3 games. Aaaahh...i miss those days. Play Printers...and maybe next year there is hope in Ti-Cat land.
College football sidenote: Michigan football sucks. I don't know how or why but it does. They might give out 11 Heisman Trophies this year...one for each of the QB's who plays against Michigan. Oh and Michigan QB Chad Henne's Heisman chances are as dead as my emotions after an episode of The View. Flatlined.
Why? The quarterbacks suck. Jason Maas has had 2 years to prove himself worthy of being a starter here. What he has proven is that he may be to quarterbacking as Paris Hilton is to singing or acting or not being a whore-ing. Maybe Timmy Chang, the stud QB out of Hawaii, was going to be the answer if given some time. No. Through two starts he just chucked interceptions time after time, and nearly got Brock Ralph guillotined today against the Argos.
But in the last few days we have a reason to hope. Former CFL MVP Casey Printers has signed on to QB the Ti-Cats after being let go by the Kansas City Chiefs in the NFL. I believe he will help. I believe that because I have to. Actually, I think had Printers played today against the Argos...we would have won. Coach Taaffe said he couldn't play Printers yet because he did not know the offense. Ummm...I've been watching this year coach and NOBODY KNOWS THE OFFENSE!! You could toss a cyclops squirrel wearing a skirt in at QB and he/she could do no worse. To give up on the season with half the dang games left is retarded. Play Printers...PERIOD! If I don't see him in there next week, its going to take an army of cyclops squirrels in full armour to protect Coach Taaffe from me. With Printers in the lineup I bet we go 5-2 to end the year. Mark that down.
So far my best Ti-Cat highlight of the year was when I spent July in New Zealand and did not have access to watch their first 3 games. Aaaahh...i miss those days. Play Printers...and maybe next year there is hope in Ti-Cat land.
College football sidenote: Michigan football sucks. I don't know how or why but it does. They might give out 11 Heisman Trophies this year...one for each of the QB's who plays against Michigan. Oh and Michigan QB Chad Henne's Heisman chances are as dead as my emotions after an episode of The View. Flatlined.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Two cent quickies
Thought that on a periodic basis I would just toss up some quick thoughts on the world of sports without focusing on one thing in particular. Hence...some quickies:
-Trevor Linden resigns with the Canucks for 1 year. Good to hear. Linden was just as good as any other 3rd or 4th liner that Nucks had last year so why not one more shot. But this is it...I hope Linden does the right thing after the season and retires on his own terms instead of being forced out by the team. 20 years is enough. Would it ever be nice to watch him lift the Stanley Cup in the new Nucks jerseys at the end of the season. If that happens I might cry.
-Speaking of the new Nucks jerseys they come out on August 29th. Excited to see them. Reports suggest that it should look something like the current jersey except with the vintage colours and a newly coloured orca. If you have never dreamed of a newly coloured orca...well then you haven't lived.
-Flames also getting new jerseys at the start of September. Should look like piss.
-Canada begins the FIBA Americas basketball tournament tonight in Vegas against Brazil. With the likes of Nene, Barbosa and friends on the opposition you can expect us to lose. Unless Samuel Dalembert gets a quadruple double of 70, 20, 15, 10. Won't happen. I love Steve Nash to death but it sucks that the likes of him and Jamaal Magloire aren't out there this week. Good news...we get to play the US Virgin Islands. This should be a "guaranteed win or we all jump off a bridge into a river of thumbtacks" night.
-The Americas tournament is the first big test for new Canadian coach Leo Rautins. For those who don't know, Rautins is an arseweasel. Look for him to play his son Andy until his feet bleed and try out Chuck Swirsky at shooting guard at some point during the tourney.
-Garrett Anderson of the LA Angels had 10 rbi's last night! I had that once in a Grade 10 gym class. It was slo-pitch and it took me the whole week not just one night. Still glorious though.
-The women's world cup of soccer is next month in China. Predictions include a Germany win, some US complaining, and Canada's Christine Sinclair reminding me constantly of a less attractice Hunchback of Notre Dame.
-A couple excellent youtube videos to check out this week. 1. Adrian Peterson of the Vikings ripping up the Jets in a preseason game (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2_VaO43f4Y) and 2. the funny meeting between the New Orleans Saint's Reggie Bush and the LA Galaxy's David Beckham (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtwKa55aFuE). Both worth a look.
Also this one, not sports related but a commercial from Thailand that I saw on tv while vacationing in Australia this summer. All I have to say is...wow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrixhUg1SCg
-Finally, it is sad to hear of the death of former NBA player Eddie Griffin who died last week when his SUV tried to race a train...and lost. Took a week and dental records to identify him. Only 25, he had a very nice bball game (not too many guys can hit 7 threes one night and block 7 shots the next) and a horribly bad lifestyle. Arrests ranged from DUI's to assault and Griffin battled alcoholism throughout his short career. Reminds you again that all the talent and money in the world does not buy you contentment.
-Trevor Linden resigns with the Canucks for 1 year. Good to hear. Linden was just as good as any other 3rd or 4th liner that Nucks had last year so why not one more shot. But this is it...I hope Linden does the right thing after the season and retires on his own terms instead of being forced out by the team. 20 years is enough. Would it ever be nice to watch him lift the Stanley Cup in the new Nucks jerseys at the end of the season. If that happens I might cry.
-Speaking of the new Nucks jerseys they come out on August 29th. Excited to see them. Reports suggest that it should look something like the current jersey except with the vintage colours and a newly coloured orca. If you have never dreamed of a newly coloured orca...well then you haven't lived.
-Flames also getting new jerseys at the start of September. Should look like piss.
-Canada begins the FIBA Americas basketball tournament tonight in Vegas against Brazil. With the likes of Nene, Barbosa and friends on the opposition you can expect us to lose. Unless Samuel Dalembert gets a quadruple double of 70, 20, 15, 10. Won't happen. I love Steve Nash to death but it sucks that the likes of him and Jamaal Magloire aren't out there this week. Good news...we get to play the US Virgin Islands. This should be a "guaranteed win or we all jump off a bridge into a river of thumbtacks" night.
-The Americas tournament is the first big test for new Canadian coach Leo Rautins. For those who don't know, Rautins is an arseweasel. Look for him to play his son Andy until his feet bleed and try out Chuck Swirsky at shooting guard at some point during the tourney.
-Garrett Anderson of the LA Angels had 10 rbi's last night! I had that once in a Grade 10 gym class. It was slo-pitch and it took me the whole week not just one night. Still glorious though.
-The women's world cup of soccer is next month in China. Predictions include a Germany win, some US complaining, and Canada's Christine Sinclair reminding me constantly of a less attractice Hunchback of Notre Dame.
-A couple excellent youtube videos to check out this week. 1. Adrian Peterson of the Vikings ripping up the Jets in a preseason game (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2_VaO43f4Y) and 2. the funny meeting between the New Orleans Saint's Reggie Bush and the LA Galaxy's David Beckham (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtwKa55aFuE). Both worth a look.
Also this one, not sports related but a commercial from Thailand that I saw on tv while vacationing in Australia this summer. All I have to say is...wow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrixhUg1SCg
-Finally, it is sad to hear of the death of former NBA player Eddie Griffin who died last week when his SUV tried to race a train...and lost. Took a week and dental records to identify him. Only 25, he had a very nice bball game (not too many guys can hit 7 threes one night and block 7 shots the next) and a horribly bad lifestyle. Arrests ranged from DUI's to assault and Griffin battled alcoholism throughout his short career. Reminds you again that all the talent and money in the world does not buy you contentment.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Vikings vs Rams preseason game
How bored was I this Saturday morning? I watched the replay of the preseason (yep, thats right, preseason!) game between my Vikes and the Rams. I figured I needed something at 8am to wake me up before a full day of house renovating. Not sure preseason football was the answer. Below are my observations including a rundown of the first quarter where the starters played.
Pregame: Our friendly Viking preseason commentators are in a giddy mood. Talking about the optimism that surrounds this 2007 season. Ok...whatever...get on with it. Then they get my attention by telling me to wait until after the break for a special game guest commentator. For a preseason game. Sure enough after the break the Vikings broadcast introduces Viking legend and future NFL hall of famer John Randle. Good, right? Except the caption under his name reads "John Randall". Wow. Thanks for all the years John and almost 140 sacks (5th alltime), too bad we can't spell your name right! We could google it but c'mon this is preseason. Dumb. Can't wait 'til next year when they trot out "Kris Karter".
The first quarter: Be still my beating heart. But wait. Before the game gets underway we get to see the new Vikes mascot "Victor" come zip-lining on to the field from the ceiling. He lands and we get our first good look at the fella. To the naked eye Victor reminds one of the middle-aged guy that lives on the end of your block that your parents warn you not to ever go near or trick or treat at his house on Halloween. I swear he has had a pictorial in "Swedish Pedophile Weekly" in the last year. I'm guessing Mr. June. Oh well...good for him getting honest work as a mascot. Is that honest work?
15:00- Ooohh, today's referee is the ridiculously ripped Ed Hochuli. Is it bad that I think that Ed has the body to start at safety for the Vikes or at least moonlight in the nickel package.
14:49- Vikes first play of scrimmage and we get to see the lineup. Starting at wide receiver we have Troy "Oops, I dropped it" Williamson and Bobby "Who?" Wade. Not good. I realize more each year how spoiled we were as Vikings fans to watch Carter, Moss and Reed together back in the day. I see our potential #3 Cortez Hankton getting ready on the sidelines. I remember him...he was an adequate special teams player with the Jaguars not long ago. Now he might be our #3. I go and check what his overall rating was on Madden '07. A 64/100. With a 52 for offensive awareness!! That means that he might as well smoke a couple joints, drink a keg of beer and then go out on the field and try to catch the ball. Oh and did I mention we'll also turn off all the lights in the stadium? Sorry Cortez, but with those rankings just make sure you run in a straight line down the field and stay the heck away from anywhere Adrian Peterson runs. I'm dead serious.
13:30- Holy wow...Troy Williamson can catch. A couple nice grabs. One in Los Angeles drive-home type traffic. Thats a positive. Last year he would not have caught that with a butterfly net.
13:20- Tarvaris Jackson pulls one down and runs it for 17 yards. I don't miss you Brad Johson.
10:25- Just realized I am still loving the new jerseys from last year. They are sharp. I remember buying a Vikes jersey a couple years ago, taking it home, looking at it and taking it straight back to the store. My man ranking would be Hanktonesque if I had donned that thing. Now maybe I can go get one and chuck it on without feelings of guilt and fear. We'll see.
9:00- Here comes the Dairy Queen starting lineup for the Vikings. First one announced is Pat Williams. All 400 pounds of him. Insert your own fat joke here. Good thing Pat is a stud. Not much new from last year on defense. Good to see Chad Greenway out there starting at LB after being out all of last year. He's #52....or alternately...the white guy.
5:15- First appearance of Adrian Peterson, our 7th overall pick out of Oklahoma. On his first run he is stuffed for no gain. Still, the sight of him out there fills me with hope. Hope of a possible heir to Robert Smith. And with it hopefully the end to all my memories of Onterrio Smith and his pee machine.
3:00- I almost forgot the Rams are on the field too. My thoughts on them can be summarized as a) Marc Bulger is boring, b) Torry Holt can book his ticket to Canton, and c) I am happy that the lsat few years I can watch Rams games without seeing Mrs. Kurt Warner and her GI Joe haircut pop up on my screen.
The first quarter ended 3-0 Vikes. Then I realized that I could not sit through four quarters of NFL preseason football. One would suffice. Vikes lost 13-10 or so I hear. Who cares? At least I killed 35 minutes on a sleepy August morning. To rip off a little Green Day...wake me up, when September...starts.
Pregame: Our friendly Viking preseason commentators are in a giddy mood. Talking about the optimism that surrounds this 2007 season. Ok...whatever...get on with it. Then they get my attention by telling me to wait until after the break for a special game guest commentator. For a preseason game. Sure enough after the break the Vikings broadcast introduces Viking legend and future NFL hall of famer John Randle. Good, right? Except the caption under his name reads "John Randall". Wow. Thanks for all the years John and almost 140 sacks (5th alltime), too bad we can't spell your name right! We could google it but c'mon this is preseason. Dumb. Can't wait 'til next year when they trot out "Kris Karter".
The first quarter: Be still my beating heart. But wait. Before the game gets underway we get to see the new Vikes mascot "Victor" come zip-lining on to the field from the ceiling. He lands and we get our first good look at the fella. To the naked eye Victor reminds one of the middle-aged guy that lives on the end of your block that your parents warn you not to ever go near or trick or treat at his house on Halloween. I swear he has had a pictorial in "Swedish Pedophile Weekly" in the last year. I'm guessing Mr. June. Oh well...good for him getting honest work as a mascot. Is that honest work?
15:00- Ooohh, today's referee is the ridiculously ripped Ed Hochuli. Is it bad that I think that Ed has the body to start at safety for the Vikes or at least moonlight in the nickel package.
14:49- Vikes first play of scrimmage and we get to see the lineup. Starting at wide receiver we have Troy "Oops, I dropped it" Williamson and Bobby "Who?" Wade. Not good. I realize more each year how spoiled we were as Vikings fans to watch Carter, Moss and Reed together back in the day. I see our potential #3 Cortez Hankton getting ready on the sidelines. I remember him...he was an adequate special teams player with the Jaguars not long ago. Now he might be our #3. I go and check what his overall rating was on Madden '07. A 64/100. With a 52 for offensive awareness!! That means that he might as well smoke a couple joints, drink a keg of beer and then go out on the field and try to catch the ball. Oh and did I mention we'll also turn off all the lights in the stadium? Sorry Cortez, but with those rankings just make sure you run in a straight line down the field and stay the heck away from anywhere Adrian Peterson runs. I'm dead serious.
13:30- Holy wow...Troy Williamson can catch. A couple nice grabs. One in Los Angeles drive-home type traffic. Thats a positive. Last year he would not have caught that with a butterfly net.
13:20- Tarvaris Jackson pulls one down and runs it for 17 yards. I don't miss you Brad Johson.
10:25- Just realized I am still loving the new jerseys from last year. They are sharp. I remember buying a Vikes jersey a couple years ago, taking it home, looking at it and taking it straight back to the store. My man ranking would be Hanktonesque if I had donned that thing. Now maybe I can go get one and chuck it on without feelings of guilt and fear. We'll see.
9:00- Here comes the Dairy Queen starting lineup for the Vikings. First one announced is Pat Williams. All 400 pounds of him. Insert your own fat joke here. Good thing Pat is a stud. Not much new from last year on defense. Good to see Chad Greenway out there starting at LB after being out all of last year. He's #52....or alternately...the white guy.
5:15- First appearance of Adrian Peterson, our 7th overall pick out of Oklahoma. On his first run he is stuffed for no gain. Still, the sight of him out there fills me with hope. Hope of a possible heir to Robert Smith. And with it hopefully the end to all my memories of Onterrio Smith and his pee machine.
3:00- I almost forgot the Rams are on the field too. My thoughts on them can be summarized as a) Marc Bulger is boring, b) Torry Holt can book his ticket to Canton, and c) I am happy that the lsat few years I can watch Rams games without seeing Mrs. Kurt Warner and her GI Joe haircut pop up on my screen.
The first quarter ended 3-0 Vikes. Then I realized that I could not sit through four quarters of NFL preseason football. One would suffice. Vikes lost 13-10 or so I hear. Who cares? At least I killed 35 minutes on a sleepy August morning. To rip off a little Green Day...wake me up, when September...starts.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Mid-summer Canuck thoughts
Below is my entry into the Canucks blogger contest. Top eight entries get picked for a playdown to see who can work for Canucks.com. How sweet would that be.
Here was my entry (could only be 500 words):
I remember it well. When Scott Niedermayer's wrist shot somehow found its way into the Canucks net to end our 2006-2007 season, the world stood still. I remember the look on Jannik Hansen's groggy face, wondering if Rob Niedermayer's elbow was still lodged in his trachea. I remember the befuddled look on Roberto Luongo's face (think Donald Brashear on "Are you smarter than an 8th Grader?"). I remember looking over at the other couch and seeing my wife in tears...my yearly confirmation that the Canucks season had indeed come to an end. I can see it like it was yesterday.
But time heals all wounds. Or at least soothes them a bit. As we plod through summer towards next season it is once again time for Canucks fans to hope. As they say, hope springs eternal. Well, maybe except the late 1990's when Mike Keenan traded hope for conditional draft picks. This summer we have more reason to be positive than ever. Last year's team showed us that we are making progress and that we are on the verge of something special. Our summer pickups have us excited. Our defence looks deep. Our stars are primed for good years. And don't forget that our goaltender is to his position as Martha Stewart is to home making (and tax evasion). Things are looking up.
So how do our Northwest Division competitors stack up this year? Let's focus in on the big summer news of our competition:
1) The Oilers: First thought is that they overpaid at 4 million/year for Fred Penner. He'll be making way more money than he ever did crawling out of that log and talking to the "word bird". Whats that? Oh...it was Dustin Penner? Well that makes a little more sense. Not complete sense but a little more.
2) The Flames: They got Mike Keenan...enough said. Actually, after the Penner signing I was thinking Keenan was going to pressure the Flames owners into signing Mr Dressup to a long term deal and maybe getting Finnegan in the package to play alongside Phaneuf.
3) The Wild: Umm, they have cool looking jerseys? And if you go on their website you can audition to be an anthem singer this year. Seriously, not many rumblings out of Minny this summer. They did re-sign Derek Boogaard so thats kind of exciting right? Right? Anyone?
4) The Avalanche: Nice pickup getting Ryan Smyth but he's not a new sight to Canucks fans. We'll just have to beat him in a new jersey that has a Yeti foot patch on the shoulder. By the way, it's hard to cheer against a guy like Joe Sakic. Jose Theodore...not so much.
So here we are in August. Canucks fans find themselves (in the words of Jack Johnson) sitting, waiting and wishing for the season to come. I don't know how much more time I can waste Youtubing videos of Kirk McLean pad-stacking Robert Reichel in 1994. For the love of Petri Skriko, lets get on with it! I am ready to go!
One last thing about how last season ended in my house. I swear to you this is true. When the tears finally stopped falling on that couch across from mine, I looked over and saw the most amazing thing. There was a little couch rainbow! I looked closer and saw the rainbow adorned with a Canuck logo and at its end I saw something incredible. The end of this rainbow held not a pot of gold...but a silver cup!
Okay, I totally lied but wouldn't that have been cool? Hope...it will mess you up. But real Canucks fans wouldn't have it any other way. It's our year.
Here was my entry (could only be 500 words):
I remember it well. When Scott Niedermayer's wrist shot somehow found its way into the Canucks net to end our 2006-2007 season, the world stood still. I remember the look on Jannik Hansen's groggy face, wondering if Rob Niedermayer's elbow was still lodged in his trachea. I remember the befuddled look on Roberto Luongo's face (think Donald Brashear on "Are you smarter than an 8th Grader?"). I remember looking over at the other couch and seeing my wife in tears...my yearly confirmation that the Canucks season had indeed come to an end. I can see it like it was yesterday.
But time heals all wounds. Or at least soothes them a bit. As we plod through summer towards next season it is once again time for Canucks fans to hope. As they say, hope springs eternal. Well, maybe except the late 1990's when Mike Keenan traded hope for conditional draft picks. This summer we have more reason to be positive than ever. Last year's team showed us that we are making progress and that we are on the verge of something special. Our summer pickups have us excited. Our defence looks deep. Our stars are primed for good years. And don't forget that our goaltender is to his position as Martha Stewart is to home making (and tax evasion). Things are looking up.
So how do our Northwest Division competitors stack up this year? Let's focus in on the big summer news of our competition:
1) The Oilers: First thought is that they overpaid at 4 million/year for Fred Penner. He'll be making way more money than he ever did crawling out of that log and talking to the "word bird". Whats that? Oh...it was Dustin Penner? Well that makes a little more sense. Not complete sense but a little more.
2) The Flames: They got Mike Keenan...enough said. Actually, after the Penner signing I was thinking Keenan was going to pressure the Flames owners into signing Mr Dressup to a long term deal and maybe getting Finnegan in the package to play alongside Phaneuf.
3) The Wild: Umm, they have cool looking jerseys? And if you go on their website you can audition to be an anthem singer this year. Seriously, not many rumblings out of Minny this summer. They did re-sign Derek Boogaard so thats kind of exciting right? Right? Anyone?
4) The Avalanche: Nice pickup getting Ryan Smyth but he's not a new sight to Canucks fans. We'll just have to beat him in a new jersey that has a Yeti foot patch on the shoulder. By the way, it's hard to cheer against a guy like Joe Sakic. Jose Theodore...not so much.
So here we are in August. Canucks fans find themselves (in the words of Jack Johnson) sitting, waiting and wishing for the season to come. I don't know how much more time I can waste Youtubing videos of Kirk McLean pad-stacking Robert Reichel in 1994. For the love of Petri Skriko, lets get on with it! I am ready to go!
One last thing about how last season ended in my house. I swear to you this is true. When the tears finally stopped falling on that couch across from mine, I looked over and saw the most amazing thing. There was a little couch rainbow! I looked closer and saw the rainbow adorned with a Canuck logo and at its end I saw something incredible. The end of this rainbow held not a pot of gold...but a silver cup!
Okay, I totally lied but wouldn't that have been cool? Hope...it will mess you up. But real Canucks fans wouldn't have it any other way. It's our year.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Our heroes?
Something has been bothering me the last couple of days. In fact it has kind of made me a little bit sick to my stomach. No, its not the Garnett trade to Boston which further dents the chances my lowly Bucks have of making an NBA final. Whats that?...you say they had no chance even before that trade? Hmmm...probably right.
No, whats making me a little sick is something thats becoming somewhat of a phenomenon in the sports world. The trendy thing it seems is for an athlete to be tragically killed and for a sudden rush of sympathy to pour in from all over the world. People write glowing reports about how great a guy the deceased was. How he care for his teammates, family and gosh darnit even the fans. How he will be truly missed and on and on it goes. The sports star is put on a pedestal for us to look up to even in death. Sports Illustrated writes a little obituary that immortalizes the player. The tv sports networks show a little tribute montage and then do that thing where they put up the picture of the player, play the sad music and slowly fade the screen to black. I guess this is all fine and until recently I would sit there and feel a certain amount of sadness for the sports worlds loss. But something has changed.
If you have been following sports lately, you know that the examples are endless. The new catching point however seems to be that once the tributes and life end credits have rolled on these sports stars...we then find out the ugly truth. When St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock died in a late night car crash in April, he got the posthumous treatment associated with a professional athlete. All the tributes, the SI story and the memorial patch worn on his teammates jerseys. It wasn't until a while later that it was revealed that at the time of the accident Hancock was highly intoxicated (twice the Missouri state limit), not wearing a seatbelt, talking on his cell phone, and later a smoking pipe and marijuana were found in his truck. And he crashed into a parked tow truck on the side of the highway! Oops. But no, its not oops. Its stupidity plain and simple. He killed himself but could have killed others. Further compounding this situation was the fact that his family then had the nerve to sue the bar he had just left, the tow truck driver parked on the side of the road, the towing company, and the driver who had needed towing assistance. What?! Those cases were tossed out but it makes me wonder if athletes don't have to worry about trifling things such as accountability. Its sickening.
The Hancock case is not the only one of its kind in the past 3 months. We were duped into feeling sad again this past month when former pitcher Rod Beck passed away. And the tributes rolled in. And then some time passed and we find that Beck had a whackload of cocaine in his house the day he died. That likely contributed to his death. Doh! I won't even start on the WWE wrestler Chris Benoit's story. I think you all know how that one goes.
I'm just saying that it sucks to feel sympathy at someones death only to find that maybe they did not live the most noble of lives or die the most poignant of deaths. Maybe its just me, but in a sports world that has to grit its teeth and endure the Barry Bonds' and Tour de Frances' of this world it might be nice to hear a genuine story of a pro athlete with no dark underside. Wouldn't that be nice? So I guess when your sports hero dies the new fad might be to hold your sympathy until a month or two later just to make sure it was okay to miss them. Now thats really sad. God forbid that word comes out next week that late NFL coach Bill Walsh spent his final months pushing drugs or pimping. I guess I'll just shake my head...but unfortunately not in surprise.
No, whats making me a little sick is something thats becoming somewhat of a phenomenon in the sports world. The trendy thing it seems is for an athlete to be tragically killed and for a sudden rush of sympathy to pour in from all over the world. People write glowing reports about how great a guy the deceased was. How he care for his teammates, family and gosh darnit even the fans. How he will be truly missed and on and on it goes. The sports star is put on a pedestal for us to look up to even in death. Sports Illustrated writes a little obituary that immortalizes the player. The tv sports networks show a little tribute montage and then do that thing where they put up the picture of the player, play the sad music and slowly fade the screen to black. I guess this is all fine and until recently I would sit there and feel a certain amount of sadness for the sports worlds loss. But something has changed.
If you have been following sports lately, you know that the examples are endless. The new catching point however seems to be that once the tributes and life end credits have rolled on these sports stars...we then find out the ugly truth. When St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock died in a late night car crash in April, he got the posthumous treatment associated with a professional athlete. All the tributes, the SI story and the memorial patch worn on his teammates jerseys. It wasn't until a while later that it was revealed that at the time of the accident Hancock was highly intoxicated (twice the Missouri state limit), not wearing a seatbelt, talking on his cell phone, and later a smoking pipe and marijuana were found in his truck. And he crashed into a parked tow truck on the side of the highway! Oops. But no, its not oops. Its stupidity plain and simple. He killed himself but could have killed others. Further compounding this situation was the fact that his family then had the nerve to sue the bar he had just left, the tow truck driver parked on the side of the road, the towing company, and the driver who had needed towing assistance. What?! Those cases were tossed out but it makes me wonder if athletes don't have to worry about trifling things such as accountability. Its sickening.
The Hancock case is not the only one of its kind in the past 3 months. We were duped into feeling sad again this past month when former pitcher Rod Beck passed away. And the tributes rolled in. And then some time passed and we find that Beck had a whackload of cocaine in his house the day he died. That likely contributed to his death. Doh! I won't even start on the WWE wrestler Chris Benoit's story. I think you all know how that one goes.
I'm just saying that it sucks to feel sympathy at someones death only to find that maybe they did not live the most noble of lives or die the most poignant of deaths. Maybe its just me, but in a sports world that has to grit its teeth and endure the Barry Bonds' and Tour de Frances' of this world it might be nice to hear a genuine story of a pro athlete with no dark underside. Wouldn't that be nice? So I guess when your sports hero dies the new fad might be to hold your sympathy until a month or two later just to make sure it was okay to miss them. Now thats really sad. God forbid that word comes out next week that late NFL coach Bill Walsh spent his final months pushing drugs or pimping. I guess I'll just shake my head...but unfortunately not in surprise.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
New Zealand
Well this is my first attempt at doing this...but my brain is always full of such garbage that I think I will use this as my cerebral trash can. If that's too deep for you to start with, then I suggest you go watch the Muppets or something. Naw thats harsh, I love the Muppets...especially the chef guy who has a very obvious speech impediment (Swedish...rrrriiiight.) and learning disability. Everyone loves a life underdog.
Anyways, I think I am going to use this space to rant mostly about sports but sometimes maybe I'll delve into other subjects affecting my life. Stuff like fine cuisine, memorable Vikings boat cruises, and why aardvarks are highly undervalued as pets.
Here goes...some random thoughts on our 2007 summer trip to the South Pacific:
1) You get to see the ballparks when you fly into San Fran. If its clear you will see the parks in Frisco and across the bay in Oakland. Very nice. Unfortunately the airport is in South San Francisco. They have a sign on a hill (think the Hollywood sign but with an aura of overwhelming sadness) that reads "South San Francisco: The Industrial City". I think they need to change it to "South San Fran: Yikes!" The mall felt like a bad rap video and I bought some shoes out of necessity...or was it fear?
2) The Pacific Ocean is big. I think Mario was onto something with that warp pipe idea. I would have liked to actually just jumped down a pipe and emerged in New Zealand. Probably wouldn't even minded dodging a few goombas and that frickin' cloud thing that tossed the spiky red things. I was feeling fairly good after the 3 hour flight to San Francisco but after the next 12.5 hour leg to Auckland, New Zealand the peachy feeling had gone a little.
3) Sarcastic kudos to New Zealand immigration for having a giant"biosecurity" campaign. Basically, if they find any evidence that you are trying to bring anything organic into their country you are going to the gallows. Of course, we were smart enough to see the signage warning of our impending doom...by we I mean everyone except my sister who managed to sneak a wheat bag through 3 levels of immigration before being busted by the final x-ray machine. Code Red! Lucky for her, she looks as much as a bio-terrorist as Janet Reno looked like a potential Playboy centrefold. (ps. if you don't know Reno...google it, er...her)) A big Pacific Islander border guard told her he could bake the wheat seeds until the bag was deemed sterile and she could retrieve it in 48 hours (seriously!) or she could hand it over for good. So needless to say it was "buenos noches wheatbag". Our first Kiwi experience. I really wonder how many wheat seeds have been convicted of crimes in New Zealand. Did these laws come in because some clover once got in and went on a spree? How screwed are you if you are caught bringing rapeseed into the country? Biosecurity: Good idea, but maybe a little much?
4) As a sports fan I was excited for a new sporting realm to uncover. And uncover I did. A couple facts about the sports down here:
a. New Zealand and Australia seem to only ever compete against each other! In three weeks in the southern hemisphere I watched them compete against each other in rugby, cricket, netball (don't even ask), and lawn bowls (which is eerily like curling without sweeping or excitement).
b. We went to Eden Park in Auckland which is the New Zealand national rugby stadium which was pretty neat. With that I figure I have been to some pretty obscure stadiums in my day including this one and the national soccer stadium of Hungary. I need a life.
c. All the aforementioned sports are about as fun as being tossed off a skyscraper with a bus tied around your neck. Youtube some netball and ask yourselves why this game is entertaining? It's like basketball except you cannot contest a shot in the scoring area. There was some girl on Australia who was like 6'3" and was something like 24-26 shooting on the night. All her shots were from about 3 feet out with nobody allowed to touch her. It was kind of like hunting...if you went into the woods, and the deer voluntarily tied themselves to a tree spread-eagle, and you got to walk up to within 3 feet and oh ya...you got to use a freakin' cannon!! Seriously, who thought of this? So, Mrs Catherine Cox (the woman in question) I hope you know that every time I saw you reach out on your tippy toes to make a magical 3 footer, every ounce of me was hoping that Ben Wallace would jump out from behind the hoop and swat your poor excuse of shot off a rafter in row ZZ.
d. Australian Rules football has some merit. Quite entertaining actually. I had my hopes up. And then I turned the channel and there was yachting to bring me back to reality. Gag.
5) Auckland has a pretty cool zoo. Good bang for your buck. Krysta got to feed a giraffe which was a top 5 moment in her life and at least top 225 for me in our years together. For a while it looked like the giraffe was going to snub her and it walked away. She barely kept a stiff lip. And then the magic of nature. The giraffe came back! Maybe it sensed Krysta's sadness. (Maybe it was the zookeeper's reload of giraffe food). But it came back. And Krysta and a bunch of grade 2 kids had their moment of bliss. Oh and if you are ever there take a moment to read the sign outside the nocturnal Kiwi bird exhibit. Krysta didn't and we got an angry lecture in the dark for about 5 minutes in front of the Kiwi. But we got our pic so that lady can go and ........
6) Whether you hit a NZ beach in Piha, Shakespear Regional Park, Mt. Manganui or many of the other places where ocean hits land it just feels good. We saw some pretty angry oceans and some big waves and no matter what it still looks pretty. You know the line in that cheeseball country song that says "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean..." Something is wrong with you if you don't. If you ever get so full of yourself that your head barely fits on your shoulders...maybe this experience is for you. If it doesn't humble you, not sure what on this Earth will. And if you after being there you do not think that God has not had a hand in this world, well then maybe you need to stand on that beach a minute or two longer.
I think that unloads my mind on New Zealand. Just some random thoughts that I thought I should toss out there. Maybe I overdid it for a first post but I feel lighter. I have enjoyed reading the thoughts of some of my other friends in blog form and thought maybe I had some interesting stories to share. Hope it was a worthwhile read. If not, I'll keep trying. I mean doesn't everyone want to be the Barry Bonds of blogging?
Anyways, I think I am going to use this space to rant mostly about sports but sometimes maybe I'll delve into other subjects affecting my life. Stuff like fine cuisine, memorable Vikings boat cruises, and why aardvarks are highly undervalued as pets.
Here goes...some random thoughts on our 2007 summer trip to the South Pacific:
1) You get to see the ballparks when you fly into San Fran. If its clear you will see the parks in Frisco and across the bay in Oakland. Very nice. Unfortunately the airport is in South San Francisco. They have a sign on a hill (think the Hollywood sign but with an aura of overwhelming sadness) that reads "South San Francisco: The Industrial City". I think they need to change it to "South San Fran: Yikes!" The mall felt like a bad rap video and I bought some shoes out of necessity...or was it fear?
2) The Pacific Ocean is big. I think Mario was onto something with that warp pipe idea. I would have liked to actually just jumped down a pipe and emerged in New Zealand. Probably wouldn't even minded dodging a few goombas and that frickin' cloud thing that tossed the spiky red things. I was feeling fairly good after the 3 hour flight to San Francisco but after the next 12.5 hour leg to Auckland, New Zealand the peachy feeling had gone a little.
3) Sarcastic kudos to New Zealand immigration for having a giant"biosecurity" campaign. Basically, if they find any evidence that you are trying to bring anything organic into their country you are going to the gallows. Of course, we were smart enough to see the signage warning of our impending doom...by we I mean everyone except my sister who managed to sneak a wheat bag through 3 levels of immigration before being busted by the final x-ray machine. Code Red! Lucky for her, she looks as much as a bio-terrorist as Janet Reno looked like a potential Playboy centrefold. (ps. if you don't know Reno...google it, er...her)) A big Pacific Islander border guard told her he could bake the wheat seeds until the bag was deemed sterile and she could retrieve it in 48 hours (seriously!) or she could hand it over for good. So needless to say it was "buenos noches wheatbag". Our first Kiwi experience. I really wonder how many wheat seeds have been convicted of crimes in New Zealand. Did these laws come in because some clover once got in and went on a spree? How screwed are you if you are caught bringing rapeseed into the country? Biosecurity: Good idea, but maybe a little much?
4) As a sports fan I was excited for a new sporting realm to uncover. And uncover I did. A couple facts about the sports down here:
a. New Zealand and Australia seem to only ever compete against each other! In three weeks in the southern hemisphere I watched them compete against each other in rugby, cricket, netball (don't even ask), and lawn bowls (which is eerily like curling without sweeping or excitement).
b. We went to Eden Park in Auckland which is the New Zealand national rugby stadium which was pretty neat. With that I figure I have been to some pretty obscure stadiums in my day including this one and the national soccer stadium of Hungary. I need a life.
c. All the aforementioned sports are about as fun as being tossed off a skyscraper with a bus tied around your neck. Youtube some netball and ask yourselves why this game is entertaining? It's like basketball except you cannot contest a shot in the scoring area. There was some girl on Australia who was like 6'3" and was something like 24-26 shooting on the night. All her shots were from about 3 feet out with nobody allowed to touch her. It was kind of like hunting...if you went into the woods, and the deer voluntarily tied themselves to a tree spread-eagle, and you got to walk up to within 3 feet and oh ya...you got to use a freakin' cannon!! Seriously, who thought of this? So, Mrs Catherine Cox (the woman in question) I hope you know that every time I saw you reach out on your tippy toes to make a magical 3 footer, every ounce of me was hoping that Ben Wallace would jump out from behind the hoop and swat your poor excuse of shot off a rafter in row ZZ.
d. Australian Rules football has some merit. Quite entertaining actually. I had my hopes up. And then I turned the channel and there was yachting to bring me back to reality. Gag.
5) Auckland has a pretty cool zoo. Good bang for your buck. Krysta got to feed a giraffe which was a top 5 moment in her life and at least top 225 for me in our years together. For a while it looked like the giraffe was going to snub her and it walked away. She barely kept a stiff lip. And then the magic of nature. The giraffe came back! Maybe it sensed Krysta's sadness. (Maybe it was the zookeeper's reload of giraffe food). But it came back. And Krysta and a bunch of grade 2 kids had their moment of bliss. Oh and if you are ever there take a moment to read the sign outside the nocturnal Kiwi bird exhibit. Krysta didn't and we got an angry lecture in the dark for about 5 minutes in front of the Kiwi. But we got our pic so that lady can go and ........
6) Whether you hit a NZ beach in Piha, Shakespear Regional Park, Mt. Manganui or many of the other places where ocean hits land it just feels good. We saw some pretty angry oceans and some big waves and no matter what it still looks pretty. You know the line in that cheeseball country song that says "I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean..." Something is wrong with you if you don't. If you ever get so full of yourself that your head barely fits on your shoulders...maybe this experience is for you. If it doesn't humble you, not sure what on this Earth will. And if you after being there you do not think that God has not had a hand in this world, well then maybe you need to stand on that beach a minute or two longer.
I think that unloads my mind on New Zealand. Just some random thoughts that I thought I should toss out there. Maybe I overdid it for a first post but I feel lighter. I have enjoyed reading the thoughts of some of my other friends in blog form and thought maybe I had some interesting stories to share. Hope it was a worthwhile read. If not, I'll keep trying. I mean doesn't everyone want to be the Barry Bonds of blogging?
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