What in the hey! I could summarize the stupidity of these mascots in one swift blow but I think its better to break it down one by one.
1 First you have Sumi, who appears to be a fox or a marmot who is also part hawk and who has the hairy feet of a hobbit duck. Is that accurate? And of course why not give him/her/it one of those toques with the 3 points on it that were cool for the month of February 2002 and not ever since. And then lets make the colours around it something really coastal and wintery...like some blues and grays and whites right? Nope, instead they have decided to go with the colour scheme of half of the country flags on the continent of Africa. If the games finish and you look back in ten years and you can't quite remember where the 2010 Olympics were...well this mascot should tell you. I would guess either Mauritania or Niger. Neither is a bad stab. Seriously.
It also appears that Sumi has just consumed a box of delicious cake donuts. I love those. Nothing screams "athlete" like scarfing down a box of cake donuts and then not having any energy left over to actually have your tongue circumnavigate the outside of your mouth and remove any excess icing. But everyone loves a future diabetic marmot. Especially the kids.
2 Okay then we have Quatchi who is a sasquatch apparently. He actually kind of looks like the fuzz I pull out of my belly button on a weekly basis. For the record, the fuzz also greets me with a smile and from time to time dons light blue earmuffs. I am thinking a royalty cheque is in order. Old Quatchi also appears to have had ink done. Its an "inukshuk" which is swell because it represents the Inuit population...none of which live closer than 2000km away from Vancouver. We might as well have given him a tattoo of a ten pound Saskatchewan rat or maybe the visage of Anne of Green Gables. Actually now that I think of it there is a good chance I am going out to get all three of those tattoos myself. It would make as much sense as these mascots.
And if someone told you that your Sumi-fueled assumption that the 2010 Olympics were in Africa was incorrect, you can smile in relief, look at this Yeti and remember the great moments from the 2010 Nepal games. Weren't they great.
3 I looked at this Miga thing like 10 times and from different angles before concluding that it was a skunk with irritable bowel syndrome. Something about the squinting face seemed to give that away. Then I skimmed an article and came upon this nugget of info: "According to the mascot creation committee, Miga is a combination of an orca and a bear and was inspired by aboriginal legends "of orca whales that transform into bears when they first arrive on land." Huh? Sorry guys but that could never happen. Hate to burst your bubble. Firstly, whales do not come onto land. If they do come on land, they die a horrible dried out death...not turn into bears. Ask David Suzuki. Or better yet, go and rent "Free Willy". Remember when the orca was out of the water and what did they do? They desperately kept him moist and try to get him back into the water. They didn't sit back, crack a few beers and wait for him to turn into a freaking bear! 'Cause it wasn't gonna happen. Ever.
So I still think it is a skunk that apparently mated with Alfalfa and is moments away from laying a poop on the foot of that sasquatch. Case closed.
I'll conclude with this thought about the Vancouver 2010 mascots. I don't like them. I have been to Vancouver a bunch of times and never saw anything resembling these creatures. They look like Gr. 2 art projects gone awry. Oh well, it can't be as bad as Torino 2006's overly sexy cake donut Timbit and what appears to be a developmentally delayed ice cube/molar. Maybe it's time to just stop with the mascots all together. Before someone physically gets dumber just by looking at them. Someone like me.
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