Here they are. 50 things you will never, ever hear me say:
50. Pretty sure Alex Ovechkin has low self-esteem.
49. If I could be any NBA player I would probably be Kwame Brown.
48. That Vikings quarterback sure lit it up on Sunday.
47. Bob Huggins sure looks a lot more pleasant now that he is coaching at Kansas State. I'll bet he's solved all those alcohol problems too.
46. Of course poker is a sport.
45. Those new San Jose Sharks jerseys are really an upgrade.
46. I miss Rex Grossman.
45. Hey guys I know I won...but I sure would like to be kicked out of the Tasty Mill NFL pool next year.
44. Excuse me Mr. Smoot, when are you organizing the next boat cruise and is there anything I can bring?
43. I went and saw Tom Coughlin's new stand up comedy routine and it was superb.
42. Celine Dion is overrated...wait, what?
41. We're going out for the night, can you phone up Britney and see if she can babysit?
40. Shawn Kemp is only the father of 2 of my children.
39. Boy on TV, it sure looks like Cleveland would be a nice place to live.
38. Holy Hemsky, pass the dang puck!
37. Mark Chan sure does look good in that sweater vest. (just kidding I didn't see it...I'm sure you were smoldering)
36. I hired Shaq to teach me how to shoot free throws. Also, really waiting for his next movie to come out. I'm totally getting Kazaam on Blu-Ray.
35. I wish I didn't have a spine because then I could be more bendy.
34. That Boyz 2 Men rendition of "God Bless of America" in game 2 of the World Series didn't make my ears bleed.
33. I'm going to go bet my life savings and my wife on Gabe Morency's lock that the Redskins will stay within 16 of the Patriots. After all, there's no real chance they could lose by 45 points. LOCK!
32. I would feel better if I got rid of some of these internal organs that are weighing me down. Starting with my spleen.
31. Next year the NFL should hold its showcase international game in Bangladesh.
30. I sure hope A-Rod gets the kind of money in this next contract that he deserves.
29. We really need to take a road trip down and watch a Tampa Bay Devil Rays weekend series.
28. I usually don't get excited about the MLB season until around game 148.
27. I could beat Tiger Woods in 18 hole stroke play if he let me hit from the ladies tees.
26. Netball is so fun.
25. I am truly sorry for that thing I did early one spring morning in Simms, Montana.
24. Got my front row seats for the Red Sox victory parade!
23. The East German women's swim team was way better looking back in the 1980's.
22. This summer holidays we are thinking of either going to Uzbekistan or Burkina Faso.
21. Where's a spatula when you need one?
20. If I get a second life I want to come back as a cantaloupe. Or Kwame Brown.
19. College football doesn't need a playoff system...I like watching my team play Southeast North Carolina Valley State University in the Intel Insight Computers Bowl live from Rock Springs, Wyoming.
18. I can't wait until the World Junior Hockey Championships start.
17. Raffi Torre's facial hair isn't that bad.
16. Did you see Dikembe Mutombo's crossover last night? Breaking ankles!
15. Chad Johnson needs to talk about himself more.
14. The Portland Trailblazers are role models for young people everywhere.
13. My favourite drink is probably acid rain.
12. If I was to injure any part of my body, I would hope that it was my eye.
11. Sure wish I could take that university dance class over and over again.
10. I can't wait until our mid-January basketball road trip to Bashaw.
9. Remember that time Buffalo Sabres goalie Clint Malarchuk got his head skated over...sports needs more feel good moments like that.
8. I don't even mind having a tapeworm living inside me.
7. Hey guys, I rented a 1984 Ford Taurus for us to ride around in at Grad
6. Can John Madden explain that to me again?
5. How can I get a New England accent. I especially like when they say "Chowda!"
4. What are we watching tonight: "Spiceworld" or "Crossroads" (or "Josie and the Pussycats" Ha!)
3. I'm going to donate to one of Barry Bonds' charities.
2. Hey Mark, Aaron might look good in that sweater vest.
1. I like Kobe
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3 comments:
Hey you forgot a couple of things
1. I am to busy watching Orioles, Bucks, Vikings or even the Canuks in the playoffs.
2. Lets pass it to the guy that just made the 4 point play. I dont need to shoot. CLANK
3. Kobe scored 81 last night oh never mind you probably did say that
Yay Bashaw! They almost filmed a reality show there! ("The Week the Women Went")
I hope your brother doesn't read #4. He'll never forgive you.
Laughed so hard I almost peed my pants....almost!!
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