The worst people on Earth...

The worst people on Earth are the people wearing the Hamilton Ti-Cats jerseys this year. I don't know who they are or what they smoke before they go out there (I assume it is a hullicinogen, it has to be) but they are horrible people. Horrible people who suck at what they do and who I believe actually try to shorten the lives of their teammates on occasion as well. See Brock Ralph's near decapitation today at the hand of a Casey Printers lob. If this sounds familiar, its because this has happened to Ralph before. But last time it was in T.O. with Timmy Chang at the helm. Why do they hate themselves, each other and me oh so very much?

Actually, those are maybe the second worst people on Earth these days. The worst are the so-called sports prognosticaters who predict the outcomes in the world of sports. I am getting really sick of some dude coming on to my tv and pretending he is the allknowing, omnipotent lord of sports predictions. Most end up coming across as the no-knowing, impotent garbage minion of sports predictions. I hate them. Two examples for you:

1) That Gabe guy that shows up way too frequently on the Score to give his garbage advice and look like a raging arse. Nice outfit Gabe...can't imagine all the kids out there who will see you and rush out to buy a sports jacket and a backwards sports cap...and wear them together. He reminds me of the guy who is destined to flunk out of school by the end of junior high and who you have a huge urge to pound in the face but realize that the forces of natural selection are going to do the deed for you. And thus you won't hurt your hand.

I particularly like his "Locks" of the week segment. If you don't know, a lock is a pick that is a sure thing. Done deal. You win. So far Gabe is 10-8 on his locks of the week. And that my friends is putrid. If you went to the Score website last week and checked his lock you would have seen him picking the Houston Texans to win in Jacksonville. Oooh....how'd that go? The Jags snot-kicked the Texans 37-17 and it was worse except for some late Texans garbage points. So if you bet the house and the car and your kids on the game last week based on that "lock", you are now cold, going out to buy a bus pass and awfully lonely. If you kept the kids out of the bet there is a good chance that you and they are now surviving by eating each other's toenails and licking the sweat out from behind your own kneecaps to survive. Not a pretty picture...I didn't say it was going to be. BUT GABE FRICKIN' DID!

2) There was this guy who came on my tv the other day on some random channel who called himself the "Moz" or the "Boz" or some such crap. Real name was Bob Mozowski or Mob Bozkowski...don't know, don't care. He was at least 45 years old, 70 pounds overweight, battling a visible case of the meat sweats and yet quite obviously a sports guru. All three picks he gave me were trash but he announced them like they were truth etched in stone. And then he left the tv studio. Guessing he went back to the basement of his mom and pops house and lathered himself in butter, popped in a copy of Britney Spears in "Crossroads", replayed the part where she dances in her undies over and over about 14 times, grunted and then played Dungeons and Dragons on his computer until well about 5 minutes ago. I'm thinking my prediction of his life is likely better then the predictions he gave me about three sporting contests.

Being a good sports predictor boils down to a little bit of knowledge and a buttload of luck. I can't stand the people who build themselves up as prophets when they get a couple of sports predictions right. Last year, I was 1st the entire country in the Sportsnet hockey pool...for one day. And then it was gone and it never came back. Because my luck went away. My knowledge didn't, but my luck did. So do me a favour. If you are an egocentric, uneducated sports predicting dong... don't come on my tv and give me your "lock" picks. I don't care and I will just develop a little ball of hate for you and store it in my belly where it will rest against my soul. And their will be osmosis and it will eventually permeate said soul. And then watch out.

You are thinking, wow...so much anger. Yes, it peeves me. So don't do it. The only exception might be if you are going to tell me to find the team thats playing the Ti-Cats any given week and bet all I have on them. Now that might be as close to a lock as you are going to get. That and I have this feeling Germany is gearing up to make another run at Poland. I feel it in my bones. Not yet a lock, but for betting purposes I'll let you know when I feel it is imminent.